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02-11-2008, 02:47 PM
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| | | Forty-Seven Church Splits Finally Brings Doctrinal Perfection
Tominthebox News Network - Religious Humor/Satire: Forty-Seven Church Splits Finally Brings Doctrinal Perfection
I definitely need to visit the Presbyterian Totally Reformed Covenantal Westminsterian Sabbatarian Regulative Credo-Communionist A Millennial Presuppositional Church of Centerville the next time I'm in Georgia!
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02-11-2008, 02:49 PM
|  | Puritanboard Postgraduate | | Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: RADFORD VA.
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I thought, man, this has to be about a baptist church! 
__________________ 1689 Baptist Confession
Psa 55:16 As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me.
Psa 55:17 Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.
James Farley, Wilderness Road Baptist Assembly.
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02-11-2008, 02:50 PM
|  | Lanesterator Minimus | | Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Hague, North Dakota
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It's split P's all the way, baby!
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02-11-2008, 02:50 PM
| | Puritanboard Doctor | | Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Saintfield, Co. Down, Northern Ireland
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Change it to postmillennial and I might consider them.
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Daniel Ritchie
Saintfield, Northern Ireland - Queen's University, Belfast:History/Politics
Member of Dromara Reformed Presbyterian Church of Ireland (Covenanter)
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02-11-2008, 02:57 PM
|  | The Odd Mod(erator) | | Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Janesville, WI
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Are they Clarkian or VanTillian?
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02-11-2008, 03:01 PM
|  | Administrator | | Join Date: May 2003 Location: Texarkana (Border of Texas and Arkansas)
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Bob, I think they're ClarTillian or Varkian.
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02-11-2008, 03:02 PM
| | Puritanboard Doctor | | Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Saintfield, Co. Down, Northern Ireland
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| | Quote:
Originally Posted by joshua  Bob, I think they're ClarTillian or Varkian. | Sounds like there is going to be another split.
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Daniel Ritchie
Saintfield, Northern Ireland - Queen's University, Belfast:History/Politics
Member of Dromara Reformed Presbyterian Church of Ireland (Covenanter)
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02-11-2008, 03:31 PM
| | The Odd Mod(erator) | | Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Janesville, WI
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Definitely, 47 splits is no where near enough. Are they EP or not? Are they nouthetic or integrative? Do they have a Worship Leader? Does the teaching elder wear a robe? Which Bible translation are they using? Are they Byzantine or Alexandrian? Do they believe the Pope is Antichrist or an anti-christ? Wine or grape juice? Leavened or unleavened? Take the offering during worship or leave baskets at the back of the church? Women's head's covered? Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniel Ritchie Quote:
Originally Posted by joshua Bob, I think they're ClarTillian or Varkian. | Sounds like there is going to be another split. | | | The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to BobVigneault For This Useful Post: | |
02-11-2008, 03:32 PM
| | Puritanboard Doctor | | Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Saintfield, Co. Down, Northern Ireland
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Originally Posted by BobVigneault Definitely, 47 splits is no where near enough. Are they EP or not? Are they nouthetic or integrative? Do they have a Worship Leader? Does the teaching elder wear a robe? Which Bible translation are they using? Are they Byzantine or Alexandrian? Do they believe the Pope is Antichrist or an anti-christ? Wine or grape juice? Leavened or unleavened? Take the offering during worship or leave baskets at the back of the church? Women's head's covered? Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniel Ritchie Quote:
Originally Posted by joshua Bob, I think they're ClarTillian or Varkian. | Sounds like there is going to be another split. | | Reading all this, you wonder how the church is ever going to be united. Thank God that He is greater than our hearts.
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Daniel Ritchie
Saintfield, Northern Ireland - Queen's University, Belfast:History/Politics
Member of Dromara Reformed Presbyterian Church of Ireland (Covenanter)
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02-11-2008, 03:32 PM
|  | Puritanboard Doctor | | Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Mandeville, LA
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| | Quote:
Originally Posted by BobVigneault Definitely, 47 splits is no where near enough. Are they EP or not? Are they nouthetic or integrative? Do they have a Worship Leader? Does the teaching elder wear a robe? Which Bible translation are they using? Are they Byzantine or Alexandrian? Do they believe the Pope is Antichrist or an anti-christ? Wine or grape juice? Leavened or unleavened? Take the offering during worship or leave baskets at the back of the church? Women's head's covered? Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniel Ritchie Quote:
Originally Posted by joshua Bob, I think they're ClarTillian or Varkian. | Sounds like there is going to be another split. | | For or against sonship?
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Chris Poe
Mandeville, LA
"There are the foolish fanatics always to be found in such a movement and always discrediting it--the lunatic fringe in all reform movements." Theodore Roosevelt
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02-11-2008, 04:09 PM
|  | Puritanboard Sophomore | | Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Bradenton, FL
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I like the last line of the 'story':
""We're up to 6 people on Sundays now" said Davis. "I know that numbers are not important, but we're hoping to grow a little more.""
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Steve Butts - Former SBC-er
Three Forms of Unity - Bradenton CRC - Bradenton, Florida
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02-11-2008, 09:21 PM
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This is why I love being a presbyterian! Denominationalism is not a bad thing. That's one good thing that comes out of studying church history. Any alternative is not better. We are already one in Christ. Who want a homogenious church anyway? Bring on the Presbyterian Totally Reformed Covenantal Westminsterian Sabbatarian Regulative Credo-Communionist A Millennial Presuppositional Church of Centerville. I wish i was there. They would have 7 people come this sunday!
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02-11-2008, 09:31 PM
|  | McFadderator Minimizing | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: San Gabriel, CA
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Yeah, but what about FV, Bawb? You didn't list that.
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02-11-2008, 09:32 PM
| | Puritanboard Doctor | | Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Mandeville, LA
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Originally Posted by DMcFadden Yeah, but what about FV, Bawb? You didn't list that. | They are Totally Reformed and credo communionist, which precludes FV.
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Chris Poe
Mandeville, LA
"There are the foolish fanatics always to be found in such a movement and always discrediting it--the lunatic fringe in all reform movements." Theodore Roosevelt
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02-11-2008, 09:46 PM
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Not amused! Church splits are a serious matter and ought not to be treated with frivolity. If a person isn't prepared to act on his convictions then his convictions are worth nothing. If persons have had to suffer for holding to the truth then their convictions ought not to be laughed at but supported. If a person has wrongfully followed his convictions to his own detriment then he requires compassion and help.
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"Illum oportet crescere me autem minui."
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02-11-2008, 10:19 PM
| | The Odd Mod(erator) | | Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Janesville, WI
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I understand and I'm sensitive to your lack of amusement Pastor Winzer. There are very good reasons for why some splits happen just as there are good reasons for why a family may need to leave a church. A church split is about as comical as a divorce or a death.
I've been in the 'business' of church for many, many years. I've held just about every office and position in a church. I've seen Christ work mightily through clay footed men and women; I've seen very unflattering and embarrassing weaknesses. The thing is, sometimes the reasons we break fellowship ARE frivolous and Christ is not honored. People lose purpose and focus and let pride and pettiness rule the moment. Sometimes one can't help concluding that what we witnessed was just plain stupid and worthy of ridicule. When the reason is frivolous I see nothing wrong with pointing that out. We make jokes because we are frustrated, we make jokes because we are scared that the same thing could happen to our church. We know the proper way to deal with a serious topic but some of us resort to humor in order to protect our own mindsets. Thank you for reminding us that we also need to keep the 'main thing' the main thing.
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