The PuritanBoard  

Go Back   The PuritanBoard > General Forums > Entertainment and Humor

Entertainment and Humor Discussions of entertainment, recreation and tasteful humor
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt (Col. 4:6)

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 10:16 AM
Nebrexan's Avatar
Puritanboard Freshman
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Lubbock, Texas
Posts: 34
Thanks: 5
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Define Calvinism using the word 'toys'

This list never fails to make me smile, but it's missing several terms like 'Confessionalism', 'Calvinism', etc. Anyone care to suggest definitions?
  • Capitalism: He who dies with the most toys, wins.
  • Hari Krishna: He who plays with the most toys, wins.
  • Judaism: He who buys toys at the lowest price, wins.
  • Catholicism: He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
  • Anglican: They were our toys first.
  • Greek Orthodox: No, they were ours first.
  • Branch Davidians: He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
  • Atheism: There is no toy maker.
  • Polytheism: There are many toy makers.
  • Evolutionism: The toys made themselves.
  • Church of Christ, Scientist: We are the toys.
  • Communism: Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to the opposite of heaven if we catch you selling ours.
  • B'Hai: All toys are just fine with us.
  • Amish: Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
  • Taoism: The doll is as important as the dump truck.
  • Mormonism: Every boy may have as many toys as he wants.
  • Voodoo: Let me borrow that doll for a second…
  • Hedonism: Hang the rule book! Let's play!
  • Seventh Day Adventist: He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
  • Church of Christ: He whose toys make music, loses.
  • Baptist: Once played always played.
  • Jehovah's Witnesses: He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
  • Pentecostalism: He whose toys can talk, wins.
  • Existentialism: Toys are a figment of your imagination.
  • Confucianism: Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.
  • Non-denominationalism: We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.
__________________
David Coons
Member, Providence Presbyterian Church (PCA)
Lubbock, Texas
("Nebrexan": Born in Nebraska, born again in Texas)
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 10:18 AM
etexas's Avatar
Bzzzzzz
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 5,011
Thanks: 790
Thanked 186 Times in 155 Posts
Calvin:That toy is not in accord with RPG, you can only play with it outside the church building kid!
__________________
~etexas~
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 10:20 AM
Semper Fidelis's Avatar
Administrator
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Okinawa, Japan
Posts: 11,480
Thanks: 826
Thanked 2,053 Times in 985 Posts
A man cannot serve both toys and God. Either he will love the one and hate the other.
__________________
Rich
Okinawa, Japan

WebsiteMaven - Web Hosting Reviews, Guides, and Advice to build and promote your web site.
SoliDeoGloria.com - A Community for Reformed Thought and Discussion

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 10:21 AM
A5pointer's Avatar
Puritanboard Freshman
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Marmora NJ
Posts: 499
Thanks: 31
Thanked 40 Times in 32 Posts
Depends on who is defining, our opponents might say

1. toy robots programed to say I love you God

I have actually heard Hank Hennigrff do this by saying Calvinism can't be true because that would reduce Christians to Chatty Cathy dolls.
__________________
Bruce
PCUSA
Ocean City NJ
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 10:22 AM
A5pointer's Avatar
Puritanboard Freshman
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Marmora NJ
Posts: 499
Thanks: 31
Thanked 40 Times in 32 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by etexas View Post
Calvin:That toy is not in accord with RPG, you can only play with it outside the church building kid!
Yikes
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 10:22 AM
Puritanboard Doctor
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Saintfield, Co. Down, Northern Ireland
Posts: 6,568
Thanks: 2,062
Thanked 1,124 Times in 740 Posts
Calvinism: some have been predestined to receive eternal toys, others have not.

Nuance:

Moderate Calvinism: only the elect receive eternal toys, but the non-elect receive temporal toys in this life.

High Calvinism: only the elect receive eternal toys and temporal toys, the non-elect get no toys in this life.

Moderate Calvinism: eternal toys are sincerely offered to the non-elect.

High Calvinism: there is no well-meant offer of toys to the non-elect.
__________________
Daniel Ritchie
Saintfield, Northern Ireland - Queen's University, Belfast:History/Politics
Member of Dromara Reformed Presbyterian Church of Ireland (Covenanter)
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 10:23 AM
etexas's Avatar
Bzzzzzz
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 5,011
Thanks: 790
Thanked 186 Times in 155 Posts
Calvin: (After snapping the head off a doll) Stop sobbing! It was planned in eternity.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 11:01 AM
ChristopherPaul's Avatar
Puritanboard Senior
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 2,339
Thanks: 195
Thanked 129 Times in 81 Posts



Patriarchy: Only Play with toys that are hand made out of wood.

Calvinism: Buzz Lightyear He hated, but Woody He loved.

Presbyterian:
__________________
--chRis
Psalm 115:1

Christopher Reeder
Husband to Kara, Father to Abigail (7), Caleb (6), Grace (4 1/2), Zoë (2 1/2), Elijah (1) and Baby Girl due 8/6/08

Member: Pilgrim Presbyterian Church (OPC), Raleigh, NC
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 11:20 AM
servantofmosthigh's Avatar
Puritanboard Freshman
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Rockville, MD
Posts: 224
Thanks: 17
Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts
5-Points of TOYLIP:

T: TOY-tal DepraviTOY
OY: OYconditional Election
L: Limited ATOYnement
I: IrresisTOYble Grace
P: Perseverence of the Saints
__________________
Will Shin
Rockville, MD
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 11:44 AM
Pergamum's Avatar
Puritanboard Graduate
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,966
Thanks: 473
Thanked 697 Times in 359 Posts
Health and wealth toys: Your best toys NOW!
__________________
Pergamum


"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?"
-- David Livingstone
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 11:46 AM
etexas's Avatar
Bzzzzzz
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 5,011
Thanks: 790
Thanked 186 Times in 155 Posts
Kenneth Copeland: You are not a little doll. You are a little god!
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 11:53 AM
DMcFadden's Avatar
McFadderator Minimizing
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: San Gabriel, CA
Posts: 3,561
Thanks: 725
Thanked 1,078 Times in 646 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniel Ritchie View Post
Calvinism: some have been predestined to receive eternal toys, others have not.

Nuance:

Moderate Calvinism: only the elect receive eternal toys, but the non-elect receive temporal toys in this life.

High Calvinism: only the elect receive eternal toys and temporal toys, the non-elect get no toys in this life.

Moderate Calvinism: eternal toys are sincerely offered to the non-elect.

High Calvinism: there is no well-meant offer of toys to the non-elect.

__________________
Dennis E. McFadden, Ex Mainline Baptist (in Remission)
Atherton Baptist Homes, CEO
First Baptist Church of Alhambra, Member, Transformation Ministries (CA)

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 04-05-2008, 04:35 PM
BlackCalvinist's Avatar
Puritanboard Junior
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 1,371
Thanks: 112
Thanked 46 Times in 30 Posts
Calvinism: The toys you get freely are predetermined by God in eternity past.
Arminianism: We chose the toys first, so they then came to us.
Semi-Pelagianism: The toys have the ability to reject the person trying to take them.
__________________
K. Joel Gilliard
Theologically Correct dot Com
http://www.theologicallycorrect.com
Sunday School Teacher (Elementary 2), Gaithersburg Community Church (EFCA)
http://www.gchurch.org
The Blog: THINK! - Wrestlin' With Wordz -N- Ideaz
The Upcoming CD: The Definition
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On
Forum Jump

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.0.1

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:45 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.2.0 ©2008, Crawlability, Inc.
Copyright © 2002-2008 PuritanBoard.com
Hosted by WebsiteMaven - helping ministries with web hosting advice, reviews, and design.
Westminster Abbey © Confessional Presbyterian Presses - used with permission.
Add Our Custom Button to your Google Toolbar

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64