As anybody who's been to Beta Puritan Board knows, Star Trek Voyager is the best Star Trek. As I was sucked out of the conservative quadrant and ended up in a liberal wasteland, I have to find my way to the Reformed Quadrant. I am facing a dilemma. I may have to lay aside the Prime Directive (RPW) to get my church through emergent space. As long as they are stuck on choruses and how to get closer to holiness through your own efforts preaching, by the time they discover the emergent church borg, it will be yesterdays news, and they will have to go back to regular worship like when I joined the church. Before the evil projector screen stranded us in:

THE MEGA CHURCH WANNA BE QUADRANT



Capitan's log - stardate 200803.18 - After being stranded out here, I just avoided the Grand Nagus (Joel Olsteen), but am now entering Emerging Space. I'm thinking of laying aside the Prime Directive (RPW) to get my crew (church) home safely. hmm I need help.

Computer, Activate the Emergency Hologram Theologian (That's the Puritan Board) What should I do?

__________________
Timothy Johnson
First United Presbyterian of Moline
PCUSA (Yea, I know)
Theology/Philosophy Sunday School Teacher
Davenport, IA

Please state the nature of the Theological emergency.

__________________
~James Helbert~, Wytheville, VA
Providence Reformed Presbyterian Church, RPCUS
TheBibleAlone.com / The Edinburgh Inn
"Is this not a brand plucked from the fire?” - Zechariah 3:2

Doctor, (In the mideval sense of the term), the symtoms are that every two weeks a projector screen comes down, shows pretty pictures and words, and the people are singing songs that glorify man and not God. Continual culturally relevent preaching, disguised as the gospel. (I think species 8427). Last years easter sermon was Rick Warrens 40 days of whatever, and the worst symtom - NIV pew bible.

And I want to get through Emerging Space to get home to the Reformed Quadrant.

First, you must realize that few are able to make the trip to the Reformed Quadrant successfully. A daunting task lays before you, Captain.

Check the EPS (Exclusive Psalm Singing) conduits, or there may be a malfunction
in the main deflector. Perhaps some positive reinforcement messages are slipping through the shielding.

There are no further directives at this time.

Do not abandon the prime directive (RPW). Logic clearly dictates that the commands of the one outweigh the felt needs of the many.

Sigh, If only they realized I am the Capitan of the ship and not the Pastor/session.

According to you, oh great emergency theological Hologram, my shields are whacked and my EPS conduits are fried.

The only other ship in the area is the USS Lutheran Missouri Synod. I just can't do it. They are Calvinist's who deny being Calvinist's. The 4 point thing aside.

My only hope is that Emerging Space folds on itself into oblivion!!

I tried the USS KJV-only Baptists, but as soon as they heard me mention Calvin, they beamed me back!! (Sigh, and I thought it would be a match made in, well, Borg Perfection)

My approach so far has been to get them away from the sappy love stuff and turn them into a Church that snubs poor, uneducated believers.

Indeed!

I'd like to take this opportunity to commend you all for your shameless embracement of your dorkdom.

Perhaps commend is not the proper word...I'd like to take this opportunity to say you've embarrassed yourselves and puritan kind with this shameless display of dorkdom.

__________________

Travis Speegle
Redeemer Presbyterian, PCA (Waco, Tx)
Pacific Cross Roads, PCA (Los Angeles, CA)


"When it comes to trustworthy theologians one can usually honor the rule of thumb that the deader the better."-Dr. John Hannah, DTS (of all places)

Can't you see we are doing an analogy in the tradition of Pilgrim's Progress??

I'm afraid that I resemble that remark.

I think I've found some way to defend my church, I mean Ship while we go through emerging space. I'll just broadcast a picture of my Praise Band Leader -
























So shameless, but even the emerging chuch would invoke the Prime Directive (RPW) if they saw this!!!

What?? Is the picture of my Praise Team Leader scaring y'all off??

I guess I found the cure for Emerging Space.

Captians log, stardate 200803.18

After being stranded out here for awhile, I've had to make many decisions.

I'm thinking of changing from "serving humanity just by showing up", to "The terror that flaps in the night"

I just don't think that DW puts the fear of God into Liberals the way Rush does.


Also, we've promoted Kes because after a full day, She's scared everybody away. I think even the Borg would cringe. Or am I the only trekkie on PB and these references are lost?

__________________
Sterling Harmon
Coventry, CT
PCA
Deacon
________________

"Whatever is laudable in our works proceeds from the grace of God."
-- John Calvin, Institutes III:xv.3.

"Our Lord God must be a good man, to be fond of worthless fellows. I cannot like them, and yet I, myself, am one."
-- Martin Luther, Table Talk