Hello, Fellow PBers. The following link will take you to my blog, at which is a song I wrote some time back. I would appreciate feedback (with qualifications) concerning its lyrical content and melody.

What I'm *not* asking about is:

1. My own vocals - they're pitchy and rough at best. But I don't have any professionals around to do my sangin' for me. So, you'll have to bear with it, but I still think you'll be able to "capture" the melody of the song.

2. The quality of the recording - This is not a studio recording, but recorded from a little machine called the Micro BR. It has the ability to do several tracks, but I just did a single track with an open microphone, hence some background noise comes in.

What I *am* asking about is:

1. Lyrical content - yeah, that.

2. Melody - and style, etc.

The song can be played here: http://www.reformersandpuritans.com/...u-like-better/

Also, I "redid" another song that I wrote, and made it just a simple acoustic guitar track with two harmonizing vox track. You're welcome to critique it as well: Reformers, Puritans, and a Geek » Blog Archive » Even Me: A New Song

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Josh Hicks, Chloë's Dad
Christ Covenant Reformed Presbyterian Church, RPCGA
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Good job, Josh! I'm impressed, not only with the lyrics, but also the melody! I also play guitar, and write songs as well. And, your vocals are of more appeal than mine in several ways. After listening to your cut, I think our styles somewhat mesh. I broke out my guitar and listened while I played along with you. I have a couple of minor suggestions to offer, but I would only want you to take them in the light of one musician to another, and in view of what I personally tended to do with the song as I played along with you. I guess everyone gravitates to their own ways. Anyway, I'll get back to you. I found that you were D up 3.

Blessings and keep up the good work!

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Charles Plauger
Member/Grace Reformed Church
Oakland, MD

Thanks. Please forgive my ignorance, but what is "D up 3?"

I guess that's my slang for thinking that you had a capo on up 3 frets. If you were playing straight out, then I should be worshipping you as the person who can play in the key of F on a guitar. So, what were you doing?

I thought that may have been what you meant!

Yes, it's in F, with capo on 3, playing in "D" form.

I am profoundly ignorant of music terminology and theory proper.

Capo on 3rd fret - fingering of root chord in D Maj position - F major key (I think - I am visualizing, here)

edited to add - well, I see we are of one mind here

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-JD

Don't worry, brother.......my terminology is anything but proper when it comes to music....or some other things for that matter.....

Hello Josh

I really like the style/genre (Mindful of Man), reminds me of some Sandra McCracken work. The lyrics are straight up thats always the first thing i look for. May the Lord bless your efforts.

flavio

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Flavio Deac
Particular Baptist
Visiting churches
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Husband to Hanna, father to Nathan, Chloe, Caleb, & Lily
My blog, The Five Solas

Let me know your e-mail, and I'll lay down a track for you tonight if I get a chance and send it to you. IMO, the second line of the chorus needs to stay on the G at the end instead of returning to the D. I think that's the note you're trying to hit. And, the same with the third line at the end. And so, it will blend smoothly when you go back into the fourth line of the chorus to hit the G at it's beginning. But, if you think otherwise, Josh, I'll gladly submit, because it's you're song. And, you know a whole lot better what you're trying to sing then I do. The other addition I would consider is that, at the end of the chorus each time, you return to the same general chord progression that is contained within the verses. It will give a general smoothness and harmony to the song, allowing it to flow from one section to the next. But, again, this is just my own musical style, and I surely respect that of yours and others if it is different. I hope my thoughts are not viewed as critical, as I would view myself as honorable to have created such a melody and lyrics in the first place.

Blessings in our common Lord....

It is josh~at~reformersandpuritans.com (without the ~s and an @ in place of "at")

Brother, I just finished listening to "Who am I?" - beautiful...not sure I have much to add - I like the style, message and musicality - I look forward to the "collaborated" piece

I don't know much about the music of this genre; but the progression of thoughts was done very well; and was very good to think through. Thanks for posting this.

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Heidi
Indianapolis, Indiana

Patience must dwell with Love, for Love and Sorrow
Have pitched their tent together here:
Love all alone will build a house tomorrow,
And sorrow not be near. -Christina Rossetti

Josh, that was a beautiful song!!!!

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Janis
Christ Church ARP, NC
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." Eph. 1:3-6 ESV

Good lryics. Thanks for sharing.

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Sterling Harmon
Presbyterian Church of Coventry (PCA)
Coventry, CT
Deacon
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Okay, I redid the song and made several changes. The Chord progression is pretty much the same. However, I:

1. Changed it to the key of F#/Gb, because it was much more comfortable for my vocal range.

2. I put some backup vox in it for harmony.

3. Mastered 2 different versions. One has an extra guitar starting 3rd verse, and drums, the other is simple guitar and 2 vox.

Tell me what you think:

Reformers, Puritans, and a Geek » Blog Archive » Which Version of This Song Do You Like Better?

What do I think? Wow! Brother, you're good. I'm not an expert on music by any standard, but I know what I like.

You're on to something. Keep up the good work.

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Ivan R. Schoen, B.A., M.A., M.L.I.S.
Pastor of Maranatha Baptist Church (SBC)
Poplar Grove, IL, USA
http://maranatha-sbc.org

Thanks, all.

I liked both the lyrics and the tune. Nicely done, bro.

My opinion on the singing would not matter. Bob Dylan is my favorite, afterall.

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Dennis E. McFadden, Ex Mainline Baptist (in Remission)
Atherton Baptist Homes, CEO
First Baptist Church of Alhambra, Member, Transformation Ministries (CA)

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wow, that was actually VERY good. Very comforting song. Melody, style, lyrics all sound good to me. Keep it up brother!

You need to copyright/publish this. I would pay for it!

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Will
Christ Church (ARP)
Denver, NC

www.timelesschristianbooks.com

Um ... thanks. If it were somehow good, I suppose I'd just give it away. However, I would get a better singer to do the job. Thanks for the kind words, nonetheless.

Great job Josh! I loved the lyrics and the music. I also went to your site and voted on the poll

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Kevin - PCA - Mississippi

"What, for some, is sin, others do to the glory of God. And the good Dr. Pentecost's remarks notwithstanding, I intend to go home tonight and smoke a cigar to the glory of God. It is a kind of incense drifting to Heaven." - Charles Spurgeon

"Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!" - 2 Corinthians 9:15

The best yet, my brother! You have your style well fixed on this one - I really like it a lot.

The harmonies were a nice touch as well as the "reductionist" approach at the end.

The bridge kicked it up a notch, which is excellent.

You might want to consider popping it in here, just to see what kind of feedback you get. You know it will be a mixed bag, but might be something useful among the dross.

Edited to add: I voted on the poll, too

I want to listen but for some reason it plays really fast. It must be on my end. Unless you sound like the chipmunks.

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~Beth Ellen Nagle~
Lakeside Church -Wales, WI (PCA)
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Josh, can you hook me up with a file elsewhere? I can't seem to get a good playback at your site.

Try this, Ma'am: http://reformersandpuritans.com/audio/MindfulOfMan2.mp3

I liked it very much Josh and I like your voice as it is. I like that it isn't so refined. Keep up the good work.

I prefer #2 and think your voice is fine.

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Jonathan Hunt

Elder-Who-Preaches-A lot
Cheltenham Evangelical Free Church (Confessionally Based)
Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, United Kingdom

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
-- Thomas Elsworth

Charles, have you heard the "updated" version? I'm curious as to what you think about the chord progression/transition now?

Sounds good Josh! I'm not sure which of the two to choose. I like the additional guitar, but I liked it originally when it was more of a reserved plucking/rhythm instead of a more firm strum. I liked the beat it produced, however. But, that's all just my personal taste coming out again. And, I definitely like the added harmony! That took it to a whole different level. And, the bridge turned out much more smooth on these two takes. I still see that you reslove back to the D at the end of the second line of the chorus, and perhaps the third line as well. I just thought the melody wasn't really moving you off of the G. But, I don't know music theory well, so go with what sounds right to you. That's about all I can think of for now. If I get to make a cut soon so you can hear my thoughts better, I'll send it to you. I basically have a cheap $20 microphone and that plugs into the front of a computer and a digital recorder, so, don't expect much quality sound. But, forgiveness is what we do best, right?

Blessings!

Thanks Josh, I really enjoyed that, keep writing its so nice to hear solid Godly music.

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Shane
Sydenham Baptist
Port Elizabeth, South Africa

"The most damnable and pernicious heresy that has ever plagued the mind of man was the idea that somehow he could make himself good enough to deserve to live with an all Holy God" - Martin Luther

I understand. I recorded that one when everyone was asleep, so I had to be really quiet. It's also why my voice wasn't as solid.
I just like the drop, it's sort of a Crunch thing (I know that probably makes nooooooooooo sense.
I really appreciate your feedback.
Well, if there was transgression and repentance involved, I'd suppose forgiveness would be tenable. But since you will have done nothing sinful, I suppose it's quite irrelevant.

I was rockin...good stuff brother.
I like the version w/ the drums...

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Gage Browning (Layman)
Grace Community Presbyterian Church
PCA Fort Worth, Texas

Thanks, Gage.

my 7 year old cousin came running up thinking its. alvin and the chipmunks

my opinion, disregarding Alvin and the Chipmunks is that it is very high quality. It was very inspired. no. 2.

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~Keon Garraway~ Brooklyn, NY Member of Franklin Square OPC

Love for God demonstrated by the love for our children in giving them a God centered education is the only hope for our country. by David Morrow
Pslam 71:20 [Thou], which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.

I think this song would work well with some Alter Bridge type instrumentation. Josh what do you think about getting an electric guitar and making the sound a little more heavy. The Chorus is kicking and should be emphasized more.

ps. I have a slight bias for alternative hard rock.

I like the idea, just don't have the means.