Thread: Never, Never, Never Shake a Prophetess

I'm sure you're all familiar with the "Never, Never, Never Shake A Baby" campaign to prevent Shaken Baby syndrome (brain damage). Well, it seems like we need a "Never, Never, Never Shake a Prophetess" campaign to help prevent the same brain damage (although it may be too late!).

Here's a clip of the supposed commissioning of Todd Bentley as an Apostle:


Jim

PS, You might want to have your anti-nausea medication available!

Very embarrassing. I feel very sorry for that lady.

This sort of stuff seems to be predominant here in WA State where I live. I meet people all the time that are charismatic. This almost reminds me of the euphoric pagan prophecies of the oracle of delphi.

but...

When I was a boxboy at the local grociery store (I was seventeen) I helped an elderly woman out with here groceries and as I was walking here to the car, she got this glazed over look in her eye and she started shaking her head and humming. I was very scared. I asked her if she was alright several times and even offered to go in and get help (as most would during a medical emergency), but she said, while still humming and shaking, "No, Im fine Im just in the spirit!". I stayed with her for a little less than twenty minuets because she seemed to be almost unable to drive off let alone close the door to her car in the state she was in.

Is there a chiropractor in the house! My neck hurts just watching it.

Goodness! That can't be good for her neck.

One hand grenade would get them all.

"...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

Originally Posted by BobVigneault

"...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

Why am I reminded of Jimmy Carter all of a sudden?

Wow, that was odd. And Todd was the one on the ground, I'm guessing. Probably the only time he didn't kick anyone in the head or cause tumors to explode during his 'ministry'.

If they'd only left him there on the ground.

(BTW - the sound that that woman made was really bizarre, kinda like a locomotive but then again not. Interesting people, worthy of a whole team of psychologists.)

It is utter blasphemy every time these folks mention the name of our Lord in association with this ridiculous garbage. It sickens me.

Can't we add an emoticon that shows shaking to emphasize a point in our posts?

From "Yahoo Answers"

Question: Are being "slain in the Spirit", shaking/convulsing, collapsing, laughing hysterically, etc...?
Scriptural as to the manifestation of the Holy Spirit? Are these actions of God or are they man-made delusions?

Viki, I'm not asking about the validity of the Holy Spirit's manifestations; I'm asking if this is how the Holy Spirit does manifest and if the Bible specifically mentions these experiences.

Answer: I believe that the vast majority of the things we see Pentecostal people doing today are completely false.

I traveled in those circles once upon a time, and I could tell you a lot of stories about man's ability to deceive himself.

When you have pastors who have been equipped with false doctrine and who have very little accountability, and a congregation with weak or no Bible knowledge, the result is an environment where error flourishes. The pastor is put on a pedestal and the modern 'manifestations of the Holy Spirit' are coveted like status symbols---proof that God is with you or that you are really spiritual. Although you will never hear a Pentecostal disagree with the fact that all things need to be tested against Scripture, the fact of the matter is that they simply don't do it. Between their trust in their pastor and their feeble understanding of the Scriptures, Pentecostals remain blissfully and ignorantly content. They assume that they are being ministered to by the Holy Spirit, and that they need nothing more. They can't see that they are actually caught up in a vicious circle of self deception---feeding off of their own emotional and ecstatic expressions.

I thought this person did a nice job with his/her answer.

She was kinda soundin' like a rattler startin' to get riled.

I look at these, I guess, for the same reason some people stare at traffic accidents; I'm sure it's not admirable.

Originally Posted by BobVigneault

One hand grenade would get them all.

"...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

No, the hand grenade was for the deadly killer rabbit. This is far more gross!

Here's a weird one. Every time he says the name "Bob" he gets anointed. Conversely, every time I hear him say the name "Bob" I want to castrate him.


This man is another clear justification for the praying of an imprecatory prayer. He is blasphemous, he causes thousands to stumble, he uses the Lord's name in vain, he does great violence to worship, he steals in God's name, he bears false witness and he is covetous. He worships angels and calls on demons. He is voluntarily in league with Satan and is an enemy of God. I pray the Lord would silence this enemy soon.

I listened very carefully...and I'm sure he never actually said "Bawb"! so you're okay.

That guy is a menace! I'm embarrased that members of my species are that suggestible!!

How's this for the 'end times'; the Pope is the Anti Christ and the false prophet comes out of the charasmatics?

Do you think we could persuade 'ol MacArthur to write another book?

Nuff said.

These folks are worse than the old time street mountebanks and snake oil salesmen.

{{{looks for vomit smiley...}}}

Originally Posted by BobVigneault

This man is another clear justification for the praying of an imprecatory prayer. He is blasphemous, he causes thousands to stumble, he uses the Lord's name in vain, he does great violence to worship, he steals in God's name, he bears false witness and he is covetous. He worships angels and calls on demons. He is voluntarily in league with Satan and is an enemy of God. I pray the Lord would silence this enemy soon.

AMEN and AMEN!!

Hope she has ball bearings on her neck.

This must have been a reformed bunch. I didn't see any poisonous snakes being handled.

shake, shake, shake... shake your HEAD-y!

in all seriousness, I have to agree with Bawb... (not to be confused with Bob of the anointing)

This character, whose name I am ashamed to share, looks to be one of the most awful, blasphemous shysters I've ever seen... and I will tell you my desire for him to be struck down isn't probably *entirely* righteous. He is selling stuff from the pit of Hell, and seems as far as I can see to be nothing but the spawn of Satan.

Originally Posted by toddpedlar

in all seriousness, I have to agree with Bawb... (not to be confused with Bob of the anointing)

This character, whose name I am ashamed to share, looks to be one of the most awful, blasphemous shysters I've ever seen... and I will tell you my desire for him to be struck down isn't probably *entirely* righteous. He is selling stuff from the pit of Hell, and seems as far as I can see to be nothing but the spawn of Satan.

Don't be shy. Tell us how you really feel.

BTW, I agree entirely.

wow...that just strikes me as demonic

Originally Posted by BobVigneault

Here's a weird one. Every time he says the name "Bob" he gets anointed. Conversely, every time I hear him say the name "Bob" I want to castrate him.

oh... now that's funny!!

Originally Posted by TheocraticMonarchist

How's this for the 'end times'; the Pope is the Anti Christ and the false prophet comes out of the charasmatics?

Do you think we could persuade 'ol MacArthur to write another book?

I can see him warming up his laptop.

Can any of you tell me truly that you still want to waste your time studying Calvin, Turretin, Hodge, Bavinck, or Warfield when all you need is an unhinged C4 - C7 vertabrae and the ability to speak during violent shaking without a Doppler effect distortion to your enunciation?

Being reared in broad evangelicalism breeds a kind of "live and let live" tolerance of a fairly wide range of expressions of the faith. THIS, however, is enough to put me in Rich's camp on charismania. What does a non-cessationist like Grudem do with this kind of phenomena???

Originally Posted by DMcFadden

What does a non-cessationist like Grudem do with this kind of phenomena???

Rebukes it as from the pits of Hell, I imagine...

"The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak..." 1 Cor 14:16

"If a prophet or a dreamer of dreams arises among you and gives you a sign or a wonder, and the sign or wonder that he tells you comes to pass, and if he says, 'Let us go after other gods,' which you have not known, 'and let us serve them,' you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams. For the LORD your God is testing you, to know whether you love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him and keep his commandments and obey his voice, and you shall serve him and hold fast to him." Deut 13:1-4

I was just showing this to my wife and noticed that not only are they using His name in vain, they are 'channeling' the Spirit. The phrases "Todd, I have chosen you..." pretty much makes her the mouthpiece for the Holy Spirit by their reckoning.

We're not only talking about imprecatory prayer, but serious lightning strikes (somehow) inside the building.

This is hard core blasphemy. We couldn't finish watching it.

Originally Posted by kvanlaan

I was just showing this to my wife and noticed that not only are they using His name in vain, they are 'channeling' the Spirit. The phrases "Todd, I have chosen you..." pretty much makes her the mouthpiece for the Holy Spirit by their reckoning.

"Channeling" is exactly the verb that struck me yesterday when I watched the 5 minutes of this video I could stomach. Looked to me no different than J.Z. Knight channeling Ramtha.

Originally Posted by Jon Peters

Very embarrassing. I feel very sorry for that lady.

Brother, I do not think she was the least embarrased. I do not feel sorry for her. She is an absolute crackpot.

Originally Posted by BobVigneault

Here's a weird one. Every time he says the name "Bob" he gets anointed. Conversely, every time I hear him say the name "Bob" I want to castrate him.
YouTube - Todd Bentley "Bobbing" for the "anointing"

This man is another clear justification for the praying of an imprecatory prayer. He is blasphemous, he causes thousands to stumble, he uses the Lord's name in vain, he does great violence to worship, he steals in God's name, he bears false witness and he is covetous. He worships angels and calls on demons. He is voluntarily in league with Satan and is an enemy of God. I pray the Lord would silence this enemy soon.

Is this guy for real? Give me a break. My name is not Bob and I would like to castrate him

Originally Posted by MrMerlin777

These folks are worse than the old time street mountebanks and snake oil salesmen.

That sound she kept making at the beginning of her theatrics reminded me of a rattlesnake or a serpent. Hmmm.

Originally Posted by BobVigneault

Here's a weird one. Every time he says the name "Bob" he gets anointed. Conversely, every time I hear him say the name "Bob" I want to castrate him.
YouTube - Todd Bentley "Bobbing" for the "anointing"

This man is another clear justification for the praying of an imprecatory prayer. He is blasphemous, he causes thousands to stumble, he uses the Lord's name in vain, he does great violence to worship, he steals in God's name, he bears false witness and he is covetous. He worships angels and calls on demons. He is voluntarily in league with Satan and is an enemy of God. I pray the Lord would silence this enemy soon.

Bob-Cat! You Slay me!

Originally Posted by toddpedlar

Originally Posted by kvanlaan

I was just showing this to my wife and noticed that not only are they using His name in vain, they are 'channeling' the Spirit. The phrases "Todd, I have chosen you..." pretty much makes her the mouthpiece for the Holy Spirit by their reckoning.

"Channeling" is exactly the verb that struck me yesterday when I watched the 5 minutes of this video I could stomach. Looked to me no different than J.Z. Knight channeling Ramtha.

I found the resemblance rather striking also. Reminds me of pagan witch doctor rituals.