I've been wondering, is it okay for a woman to be the primary income earner of a marriage? I know the ideal situation is that wives be homemakers, but women are also to be helpers. I think the idea of helper can extend to income earning, especially if the husband's income earning power is not enough to support the family. However, at what point is a wife's duty as helper turn into dominating her husband? Or is it even a matter of domination in this realm?

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Nikki Edmond
New Beginnings Believers Bible Fellowship (Family's Church), Non-Denom
Los Angeles, CA
www.haveatulip.com - Chat Room for Reformed Believers
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Woman was created to be a helpmeet. All examples in Scripture point to the Husband being the provide, worker, etc. outside the home. In Proverbs 31 we do see a Lady who works per se, but it is for the advancement of her family, and her work is directly tied to the home. She's not working for another man, nor under anyone else's headship.

It is interesting what Paul says in 1 Timothy 5:
We may deduce several things:

1. Widows are to be taken care of by their children, first, then the church (this doesn't mean mooching, but legitimate care, etc.). This would imply that it's not for the woman to be out in the world career-minded, etc. Remember, God directed his words toward Adam when he said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; 18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return." His rebuke toward Eve was not about work but about childbearing (I'm glad I'm a man)

2. Verse 8, is directed toward a man, not a woman.

3. Look at what the younger women should be doing, according to the Holy Spirit via Paul's pen: "marry, bear children, manage their households" and taking care of widow relatives.

So, I would say one of the most Biblical purposes in a wife is to be a helpmeet in serving her husband's and children's needs, in the context of the home, which may include some working outside the home (in a literal sense, like the Prov. 31 Lady), but never at the cost of the home. In other words, not a career, not working under men who're not her husband, etc. And not permanently. Now lest I be misunderstood, there is hardly a more noble calling than being a wife, mother, and helpmeet. I've never known a Biblical wife or mom who is overpaid, but many who are underpaid.

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Josh Hicks, Chloë's Daddy
Member of TRBC. My Blog
The Puritan Pub (Team Blog)
Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

Nikki, good question.

The Scriptural ideal is just as brother Josh has said so well. That said, there are times when the ideal isn't possible. We have two families in our congregation in which the wife is the bread winner.

In the first family, the husband is unable to do much because of a nearly fatal motorcycle accident three or four years ago. He broke a number of bones in his body including his hips. He continues to be on meds that prevent him from getting work... He's blessed to be alive. He hopes the situation will one day change, but for now, it is what it is; his wife works as a teacher.

In the second family, the husband has terrible eye problems (due to a genetic disease) and has been unable to get work, though he has tried and is willing to work. To top it off, they have three children, two of which are severely handicapped (also due to family genetics). Thanfully, he is well enough to be a homemaker while his wife also works as a teacher.

Now, in the example you've provided, I would suggest that the family first figure out what their true cost of living really is. Perhaps they need to consider lowering their standard of living... Otherwise, it may simply be another situation, like the ones I've mentioned, that's less than ideal. Perhaps they should consider having the wife work for a time while the husband works on sharpening a skillset to get a job that can provide for the family. We ought always to be working toward the ideal insofar as it's in our power to do so...

Just my opinion.

In His bountiful grace,

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Pastor Steve Bradley
Trinity Reformed Presbyterian Church (RPCNA)
www.trinityrpc.org
www.sermonaudio.com/trinityrpc
www.reformedvoice.com/trinityrpc
Riva, MD

This is good advice for all. The modern idea of "living the good life" has effectively produced a class of people who work like slaves so they can appear to live like kings.

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Yours sincerely,


"Illum oportet crescere me autem minui."

I agree with Pastor Bradley, Nikki. I apologize for not making that qualification in my original.

Oh its quite all right my example was under normal circumstances. I know sometimes men lose their jobs or suffer from an accident or disease which would require that the wife work to help support the family. I was simply stating under normal circumstance where lets say.. a man whose job and earning power would be much less than the woman's earning power if she were to help with providing financially. Let me give a more contextual example. Husband and Wife have three children, Husband works a 9 to 5, but only makes maybe.. 25K a year. Now 25k a year for a family of 5, is well almost impossible, not that it can't be done. But we're talking about at or under the poverty at this point, where basic needs become a struggle. If the husband asks the wife to help, and her earning power is let's say 50k a year, would this be a problem is this distorting the her role under normal circumstances, since she ends up the primary provider?

My situation is that I am about to marry and my future wife is older than I and is finished with her schooling and already have a full-time teaching job. I work full time as well but since Im still in school and I do not have a degree I cannot make a much money as her. Is she the primary-bread winner just because she makes more? What if we are both working and Im still taking care of the bills and how money should be handled?

Our long term goal is for me to get to seminary and for her to stay at home whenever we have children.

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David Franks
Indianapolis,IN
Christ Covenant OPC
www.indyopc.org

Hello Nikki,

I would say no, it is not a problem. The crux is in the attitude of the wife; does she assume a dominant/domineering role because of her earnings? Then there is sin; but if she works with humility and respect for her husband, there is not.

When a man works under a man -- or a woman -- as his supervisor, he is not under their headship in a Biblical sense -- a spiritual sense -- but under earthly authority. Police and magistrates are not heads over men because they wield earthly authority over them. Neither is a woman under the headship of an earthly supervisor in any Biblical and spiritual sense.

Given the unusual economic situation modern man is in -- quite unlike earlier ages -- we need wisdom to function in it. I would say it is a gift from God that wives are enabled to help to a great extent providing finances for their families. If we are in Christ, and walk according to the Spirit of Christ there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1, 4).

Both men and women need be very careful working in the secular workplaces, as sin abounds, and snares there are aplenty. But in Christ we have the victory.

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Steve Rafalsky
Elder, International Evangelical Church (Reformed)
Limassol, Cyprus

"I am set for the defense of the gospel" (Philippians 1:17)

"Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious
power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness..." (Colossians 1:11)

Some of the most envied men in seminary are those that have wives who can fully support them during those 3-4 years. Of course this raises a number of other issues, regarding the church's responsibility to a man in seminary, but that's for another thread ;-).

It is rare these days to find a home where both parents are not working full time. Families are busier than ever, and have less time for fellowship because of it. Normally you work more to buy more stuff to make you happy (supposedly). However, it doesn't make you happier. What me need more of us godliness with contentment.

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Andrew Moody
Pastor - Christ Covenant OPC - Amarillo, TX
Director - Amarillo Theological Institute
Owner - Reformation Art
Amarillo Reformed Fellowship

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Susan Anita - Clan Scott!
Member of Grace Bible Church - Bakersfield, CA www.gbcob.org

Sue, I think that your post should catapult your chances into the stratosphere. The only problem is that I never thought of Bakersfield as the "Grand Rapids of Calvinism" West of the Mississippi (that would be Escondido).

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Dennis E. McFadden, Ex Mainline Baptist (in Remission)
Atherton Baptist Homes, CEO
First Baptist Church of Alhambra, Member, Transformation Ministries (CA)

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

How is headship correlated to who is working? How about this situation: the wife works full time and the husband stays home and homeschools the kids? Husband IS head of the household but his role is slightly different. The benefit is that there is one parent home with the kids. A question to tack on to the OP: is it sin for the dad to be working 2=3 jobs and/or 80-90 hours a week on a regular basis? Does that father have the ability to have headship?

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Assuming the husband is working this much out of necessity and not covetousness, I am very sure that a wife’s role as a helper definitely involves helping her husband, financially, to avoid this situation.

The wife’s primary role is as a helper to her husband (Gen 2:18), and I do believe her roles as both mother and homemaker are extensions of that role, and should not supercede it. So in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3, we see that it is primarily fathers who have the responsibility from God to raise up the children. The mother plays a very, very important role as well, and one that should not belittled in any way, shape or form, but at least within the context of a marriage, she is primarily involved in helping the husband fulfill his duty to raise up the children.

For example, and going to Gail’s question, I have heard some Christians claim that in his role as a provider, the husband should be willing to take multiple jobs etc so that the wife can stay home. I would disagree that his is always the case. Certainly sometimes the specific situation of a couple may require it, but it is not a requirement for godliness. A husband needs time, and energy to spend with his wife and children to nurture and grow them. He needs time and energy to be involved in the church and with the other members. This is not facilitated if he is spending most of his waking hours at work. I believe in such a situation it is perfectly noble of his wife to help him by taking up income producing activities, whether from the home or outside it, so as to contribute to the family and her husband’s success. Proverbs 31, particularly verses 16 and 24, show us that part of a wife’s role does involve participation in income producing activities, be they in or out of the home.

Likewise, if her husband is hindered from working because he is studying to change his profession, or preparing to enter the ministry of the gospel, it is perfectly right and noble for a wife to help him financially for the time being. Alternatively, a newly married man might want his wife to work to build up savings or eliminate debts to prepare themselves for when the Lord grants them children. Again, this is, I believe, an entirely reasonable aspect of her role as his helper.


I am aware of the fact that I need to tread carefully here, but I would go a little further and say that even when her contribution is not needed for the family to survive, there is still room and virtue for a wife to contribute financially to her household. Do not get me wrong, her emphasis in life is her husband, children and house in that order, and many women will simply have no time and energy after fulfilling those duties for income making. However, that is not always the case (I am thinking primarily of childless couples and couples where the children are older) and I believe a woman is welcome to work if she can do so without compromising her other duties.

The career-mindedness of worldly women is wrong, but as I have said before on this forum, I believe the bible’s position is not as conservative as some well meaning Christians make it out to be. Again, as I have said before, when God designed a society and gave it his laws and statues, that society (OT Israel) had many women who were the maidservants of men other than their husbands or fathers.

Going back to Proverbs 31 verses 16 and 24, I think it is important to note that these are not concessions to the imperfections of the family situation, but rather praiseworthy attributes of a virtuous wife. This is not a family in dire financial straits, but one that can afford servants and whose husband is an elder of the city. It is, according to the bible, a praiseworthy characteristic of a noble wife to be able to contribute financially to her household. The fact that she is contributing financially to the family is part of what makes her husband great (v23) and moves him to praise her (v28). It is not a shame or reproach against his ability as a provider.

Again, some women will not be able to do this due to their other commitments. Some husbands may simply prefer if their wives stay home. The husband certainly is the one who is primarily entrusted by God to provide for the family. A family should always, I think, attempt if possible to be able to survive on the husband’s earnings alone. However, as I have said, this does not exclude the wife helping either if needed, or voluntarily if she can.

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Mark Li
International University Church
New South Wales, Australia

One aspect here that does not seem to be covered, is that the Lord has also provided diaconate care to aid those who, especially through no fault of their own, have trouble making ends meet.

So the role of the wife is still in the first place the home and the children. And the deacons should be more than happy to assist.

Also, and this is often forgotten, Scripture does not say 'Keeper at home if you have children, but until such a point be in the (paying) work force'

And why would the wife want to take on the curse on the man, through Adam, as well as her own curse through Eve?

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Bert Mulder
Elder of the First Protestant Reformed Church of Edmonton
Edmonton Alberta Canada

I stated earlier (emphasis added):

I'm not sure the question is one of headship but rather a question of whether men and women have different responsibilities in the family. It seems clear to me from Genesis that God cursed the man and the woman differently because they have different responsibilities. The man is primarily responsible to provide for his family, and the woman is primarily responsible to raise children. With the situation of a man who voluntarily stays at home while his wife works the roles have been reversed, and God's design has been ignored.

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Scott Roper
Member, Redeemer Presbyterian Church (PCA): "A bunch of hippie Calvinists"
Winston-Salem, NC