View Poll Results: Public or Homeschool?

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  • Homeschool them regardless. A wife should not neglect her responsibilities.

    32 58.18%
  • Public school is fine. Nothing wrong with a wife pursuing a career outside whilst having kids.

    7 12.73%
  • Other. Help me out here!

    18 32.73%
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Family Forum discuss Public or Homeschool? in the The Christian Walk forums; I've been discussing this and reading through some threads. It is one of the major issues I hope to resolve before marriage. I'm all for ...

  1. #1
    ewenlin's Avatar
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    Public or Homeschool?

    I've been discussing this and reading through some threads. It is one of the major issues I hope to resolve before marriage.

    I'm all for Homeschool. I feel that it will not be right to send my kids to public schools where they will be exposed to so much "outside" influence. (Will not define that specifically but I'm sure you all know what I mean) Therefore this undoubtedly requires my future wife to be a stay home mom so as to teach.

    Sadly she doesn't feel this way. She has always felt God's call upon her to be a doctor and everything has been pointing that direction as well. From this point on, it seems she has her life set out for her in the medical field. It's not difficult to guess that she has zero qualms about sending our kids (if any) to public schools. She simply doesn't see any problems with that at all.

    What do you guys think? We're trying to work this out right now, no we're not married yet. It would be pretty funny if we ended up never having any kids.

    Any advice or comments?
    Ewen
    1689 LBCF
    Trinity Theological College.
    Perth, Australia

  2. #2
    SolaScriptura's Avatar
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    I'd step back from the schooling issue for the time being. A bigger, more fundamental issue is the nature of how you two perceive the role of the husband and the wife.

    If you are thinking you're going to be the provider and she's going to stay at home, and if she's thinking she's going to be a career woman with you two sharing all domestical responsbilities 50/50... then you're in for some problems. Best to get those things hashed out before talking about education for the kids.
    Ben
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    Montanablue's Avatar
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    Ewen,

    I was homeschooled (and grateful for it), but I do not think that sending your children to public or private school is necessarily a problem. A lot depends on your family's situation. Some parents, to be quite honest, are just not cut out to be homeschoolers.

    I will say that if this is something that you feel extremely strongly about (as in, you wouldn't be willing to send your children to conventional school or you will be unhappy if you wife pursues medicine instead of being a full time stay at home mom), you'd best iron out these differences before marriage rather than after.

    Incidentally, I have a mother who is also a medical professional and continued to practice after having children. (I grew up just fine and am not scarred). Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss more.

    Edit: Also, what Ben said.
    Kathleen M
    nondenominational
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  4. #4
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    I believe your descriptions are not enough there could be many reasons to choose either home school, public school, or private school.
    James N. Walling
    Center Grove Presbyterian Church (PCA)
    IL

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  5. #5
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    I don't think public school in inherently wrong. It depends on several factors. Not every public school is the same, so a lot of it depends on the schools in your region. The biggest factors to consider are the personality/character of the child being considered for public school and the level of involvement the parents expect to have.
    Daniel
    Madrid, Spain

  6. #6
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    1. There must be some agreement on what you both believe to be biblical responsibilities as parents to your children.

    2. Well if she is going to be a doctor (MD) it sounds like you might can afford a good Christian private school.
    Steve Clevenger, Pastor
    Covenant Reformed Baptist Church
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  7. #7
    Wannabee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SolaScriptura View Post
    I'd step back from the schooling issue for the time being. A bigger, more fundamental issue is the nature of how you two perceive the role of the husband and the wife.

    If you are thinking you're going to be the provider and she's going to stay at home, and if she's thinking she's going to be a career woman with you two sharing all domestical responsbilities 50/50... then you're in for some problems. Best to get those things hashed out before talking about education for the kids.
    Though I have a very strong opinion in regard to training up our children, we need to step back and focus on first things first. A godly wife cannot have a career that precipitates her marriage or her husband's leading. God may have equipped her for medical expertise, but He did so for His reasons, not hers. I know this is a bit blunt, but this is the core thing you two need to focus on. If she's called to be a doctor before being married and raising children according to biblical mandate then she's not called to be married. If she's called to be married and a mother then she's called to do this above any idea of a "career" outside of this sphere. She is called to help, support and promote her husband. It's not a lesser role, it's a different role. If this can't be worked out and a common vision for God's glory established in the relationship then marriage should not be an option. It might be prudent to step back and engage in a thorough study of biblical manhood and womanhood at this point.

    May God provide wisdom and discernment.
    For the Glory of our King,
    Joe Johnson
    Slave of Christ, husband, father, grandfather and TMS graduate. Personal website - SoundLife.org
    I do not know, and I do not say, that a person cannot believe in Revelation and in evolution, too, for a man may believe that which is infinitely wise and also that which is only asinine. ~ CHS

  8. #8
    Knoxienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wannabee View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by SolaScriptura View Post
    I'd step back from the schooling issue for the time being. A bigger, more fundamental issue is the nature of how you two perceive the role of the husband and the wife.

    If you are thinking you're going to be the provider and she's going to stay at home, and if she's thinking she's going to be a career woman with you two sharing all domestical responsbilities 50/50... then you're in for some problems. Best to get those things hashed out before talking about education for the kids.
    Though I have a very strong opinion in regard to training up our children, we need to step back and focus on first things first. A godly wife cannot have a career that precipitates her marriage or her husband's leading. God may have equipped her for medical expertise, but He did so for His reasons, not hers. I know this is a bit blunt, but this is the core thing you two need to focus on. If she's called to be a doctor before being married and raising children according to biblical mandate then she's not called to be married. If she's called to be married and a mother then she's called to do this above any idea of a "career" outside of this sphere. She is called to help, support and promote her husband. It's not a lesser role, it's a different role. If this can't be worked out and a common vision for God's glory established in the relationship then marriage should not be an option. It might be prudent to step back and engage in a thorough study of biblical manhood and womanhood at this point.

    May God provide wisdom and discernment.
    Go ahead and be blunt! It's refreshing!
    Toni Cunningham, Wife of Bill (Theognome)
    Parkwoods OPC, Overland Park KS


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  9. #9
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    I did vote homeschool but I do think that Ben is so right in that ground work needs to be done between you and your wife before that decision is made. I went to public school so I know that side of it as well.

    My oldest daughter is in her senior year of homeschooling this year. She has always been homeschooled. There is no comparison that homeschool is better BUT you wife must be on board with it or there will be constant issues.
    Serving Christ in Tennessee.
    Judson
    Reformed Baptist
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    Grant, Almighty God, that as thou hast deigned to choose us before the foundations of the world were laid, and included us in thy free adoption when we were the children of wrath and doomed to utter ruin, and afterwards embraced us even from the womb, and hast at length favoured us with a clearer proof of thy love, in calling us by thy gospel into a union and communion with thy only-begotten Son, -- O grant, that we may not be unmindful of so many and so singular benefits, but respond to thy holy calling, and labour to devote ourselves wholly to thee, and labour, not for one day, but for the whole time designed for us here, both to live and to die according to thy good pleasure, so that we may glorify thee to the end, through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. -- John Calvin

  10. #10
    sastark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wannabee View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by SolaScriptura View Post
    I'd step back from the schooling issue for the time being. A bigger, more fundamental issue is the nature of how you two perceive the role of the husband and the wife.

    If you are thinking you're going to be the provider and she's going to stay at home, and if she's thinking she's going to be a career woman with you two sharing all domestical responsbilities 50/50... then you're in for some problems. Best to get those things hashed out before talking about education for the kids.
    Though I have a very strong opinion in regard to training up our children, we need to step back and focus on first things first. A godly wife cannot have a career that precipitates her marriage or her husband's leading. God may have equipped her for medical expertise, but He did so for His reasons, not hers. I know this is a bit blunt, but this is the core thing you two need to focus on. If she's called to be a doctor before being married and raising children according to biblical mandate then she's not called to be married. If she's called to be married and a mother then she's called to do this above any idea of a "career" outside of this sphere. She is called to help, support and promote her husband. It's not a lesser role, it's a different role. If this can't be worked out and a common vision for God's glory established in the relationship then marriage should not be an option. It might be prudent to step back and engage in a thorough study of biblical manhood and womanhood at this point.

    May God provide wisdom and discernment.
    Are you saying that a woman who is a Medical Doctor cannot get married or have kids?
    Seth Stark
    Member, Grace Presbyterian Church (OPC), Springfield, IL (though I live in Decatur, IL)

    (Formerly Ruling Elder, Communion Presbyterian Church (ARP), Irvine, CA)
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  11. #11
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    I think that if God has gifted her to be a doctor then GREAT! The medical field is in dire need of godly people. Let her do that and find a good private school and godly helpers with the children. Remember the Proverbs 31 woman had maids and servants and helpers... she didn't do it all by herself. there is absolutely nothing wrong or unbiblical about her working outside the home so long as she is still the "manager of her home".
    Jessica Auner
    Wife, Mother,
    Garden City, Ga
    Ephesus Church
    (a Reformed Baptist church)

    Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

  12. #12
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    We have a very good pastor friend whose wife is a D.O. When she married, she understood that her job was to be in the home, as the scriptures explicitly teach. However, she still keeps her license current so that she can do certain duties - give advice, other things the license allows, etc. She has much wisdom to contribute to the Body of Christ and the community and she does this. But she does it within the context of her home and her church, and her husband, children and home is her priority.

    I never thought of this until this thread, but I find it interesting that decades ago, doctors did housecalls and they don't anymore. I see a real need for women doctors to minister to women and children in their homes through midwifery, medicine, etc. What a calling and ministry! This is a perfect example of a woman who isn't in her house all day, but is ministering within the context of family and church.
    Toni Cunningham, Wife of Bill (Theognome)
    Parkwoods OPC, Overland Park KS


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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    I think that if God has gifted her to be a doctor then GREAT! The medical field is in dire need of godly people. Let her do that and find a good private school and godly helpers with the children. Remember the Proverbs 31 woman had maids and servants and helpers... she didn't do it all by herself. there is absolutely nothing wrong or unbiblical about her working outside the home so long as she is still the "manager of her home".
    I'm out of thanks, but I agree. This was my mother's philosophy as well. She put us first always, but continued to be involved in her professional calling.
    Kathleen M
    nondenominational
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  14. #14
    Wannabee's Avatar
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    Seth,

    Your question, along with Jessica's response, provides needed balance. If her husband perceives her work as conducive to keeping the home in order, sure. But the concern elicited by the OP was that the wife-to-be disagrees with the husband on a key issue based on career goals. Obviously this could be easily misunderstood and miscommunicated. But based on what was stated, my concern would be more along the lines of their challenges to understand the biblical principles of marriage and then go from there. Simply put, she needs to perceive her marriage as her career. She needs to perceive keeping the home as her career. She needs to perceive being a mother as her career. Then, if all things are in order and her husband supports her desire to pursue being a doctor, she should pursue it for the glory of God and as another means by which she promotes her husband.

    Thanks for the question, Seth. Hope that clarifies...
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    Slave of Christ, husband, father, grandfather and TMS graduate. Personal website - SoundLife.org
    I do not know, and I do not say, that a person cannot believe in Revelation and in evolution, too, for a man may believe that which is infinitely wise and also that which is only asinine. ~ CHS

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    If you pressure her to quit her career and o stay home with the kids and homeschool she may very well resent you... there is no verse in the Bible that said that children HAVE to be taught at home. we homeschool because we can't afford private school... however if we could they would be there tomorrow. How well of a job teaching your children do you think she'll do if she feels that it's something she's forced to do not something she has a gift and a passion for? there are godly Biblical women who had outside the home careers. they did just fine.... Pray together and seek God's Will for both of you.
    Jessica Auner
    Wife, Mother,
    Garden City, Ga
    Ephesus Church
    (a Reformed Baptist church)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wannabee View Post
    Seth,

    Your question, along with Jessica's response, provides needed balance. If her husband perceives her work as conducive to keeping the home in order, sure. But the concern elicited by the OP was that the wife-to-be disagrees with the husband on a key issue based on career goals. Obviously this could be easily misunderstood and miscommunicated. But based on what was stated, my concern would be more along the lines of their challenges to understand the biblical principles of marriage and then go from there. Simply put, she needs to perceive her marriage as her career. She needs to perceive keeping the home as her career. She needs to perceive being a mother as her career. Then, if all things are in order and her husband supports her desire to pursue being a doctor, she should pursue it for the glory of God and as another means by which she promotes her husband.

    Thanks for the question, Seth. Hope that clarifies...
    Joe, thanks for the answer. It does help clarify your earlier post. I'm in agreement that it should be husband and home as first priorities, career as second for Christian women. (Obviously, I believe the same applies to husbands: wife and home first, career second.)
    Seth Stark
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    (Formerly Ruling Elder, Communion Presbyterian Church (ARP), Irvine, CA)
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    Jessica, with all due respect, your focus is on the desires of the wife rather than godliness. Two things. She is to submit to her husband. He is to love her and live with her with understanding. If his convictions dictate that his children be taught at home and hers dictate that she pursues a career then she is blatantly disobeying God and distorting her priorities. If he sees a way to faithfully train their children without compromise and still provide for her to pursue being a doctor then great. But if he leads she must follow. And submission leaves absolutely no room for resentment in the heart of the wife. If she is resentful then she is resentful toward God.
    For the Glory of our King,
    Joe Johnson
    Slave of Christ, husband, father, grandfather and TMS graduate. Personal website - SoundLife.org
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    Quote Originally Posted by ewenlin View Post
    I've been discussing this and reading through some threads. It is one of the major issues I hope to resolve before marriage.

    I'm all for Homeschool. I feel that it will not be right to send my kids to public schools where they will be exposed to so much "outside" influence. (Will not define that specifically but I'm sure you all know what I mean) Therefore this undoubtedly requires my future wife to be a stay home mom so as to teach.
    I could perhaps bless you with some doubt about that then

    I'm right with you on public schools. Although some are better than others, I wouldn't send my children to any of them, at least until they are mature enough to be able to withstand the world, which might not be until they're too old for public school anyway. But one of my bugbears is when men put all the responsibility of homeschooling onto their wives. I know a lot of homeschoolers and in every case the wife does all the homeschooling; in every case except one that is, because I share it equally with my wife. We are both somewhat self employed so we can be flexible with our time, so I would understand if due to ones economic situation it had to be all one spouse doing it, but if it's at all possible I would urge fathers to get involved in the homeschooling of their children. If you don't then the message it will give to your children is that "Daddy is doing more important things than a) learning and b) spending time with you". How can earning money be more important than helping your children value learning and helping them grow intellectually as much as they are able. Is a woman more suitable to give education than a man? Or is education of little consequence?
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  19. #19
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    Joe, the OP stated that God has already called his wife to be a doctor and that everything is working out that way (hence the comformation that that is indeed God's Will) for him to say "I believe this and you are my wife therefore you must submit" would be calling her to sin. When God says "YOU DO THIS" and you don't that is sin regardless of who tells you to do it. I would hate for the wife to be swallowed by the proverbial big fish because her husband's will ran contradictory than Gods.
    Wives are only called to submit when it is not outright sin. and if God has CLEARLY called her to be a doctor then a doctor she should be.
    Jessica Auner
    Wife, Mother,
    Garden City, Ga
    Ephesus Church
    (a Reformed Baptist church)

    Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

  20. #20
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    The poll is skewed as there is no option for "Christian school."
    Dan

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    Wannabee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    Joe, the OP stated that God has already called his wife to be a doctor and that everything is working out that way (hence the comformation that that is indeed God's Will) for him to say "I believe this and you are my wife therefore you must submit" would be calling her to sin. When God says "YOU DO THIS" and you don't that is sin regardless of who tells you to do it. I would hate for the wife to be swallowed by the proverbial big fish because her husband's will ran contradictory than Gods.
    Wives are only called to submit when it is not outright sin. and if God has CLEARLY called her to be a doctor then a doctor she should be.
    Jessica, you are claiming that she has a clear word from God. She doesn't. He has given her no such mandate. She has passions for certain things. Passions must be subjected to the scrutiny of God's Word. She must bend her passions to line up with God's. She has circumstances in her life that have equipped her with specific expertise. She will be able to use this expertise all her life for the glory of God, whether she's a doctor or not. But the career choices of a woman cannot be confused with a divine mandate from God almighty. God has made her role as a woman clear. She is to submit to God by submitting to her husband, period. Even if he's an absolute jerk, unless he directly orders her to sin then she must submit ("submit" carries with it the embracing of the order that God has established, not mere obedience).

    If she is to go against her husband's wishes there must be clear revelation from God for her to do so. And God did not tell her "You must be a doctor." He told her, "Be holy, for I am holy." If she's married, He told her:

    Ephesians 5:22-24
    22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

    and

    1 Peter 3:1-6
    1Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

    and

    Titus 2:4-5
    4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.


    All of this precludes any desire on her part to be a doctor. Our vision is to be eternal and Christocentric, not temporal and internal.


    Blessings,
    For the Glory of our King,
    Joe Johnson
    Slave of Christ, husband, father, grandfather and TMS graduate. Personal website - SoundLife.org
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  22. #22
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    I agree with what Pastor Johnson and others have said, but I chose other, simply because I don't believe your choices are so limited. The wife's primary responsibility is to home and family. Can she maintain biblical priorities and still have a medical practice? I think so, but it is important that her heart is right before the Lord in her God-given role before working out the logistics of schooling for the kids.

    Personally, I'm somewhat against homeschooling for a variety of reasons, so I will likely send my kids to a public school or preferably a private Christian school. In that case I have no problem with my wife working while the kids are at school. I think the same applies to your situation: if you are convinced that homeschooling is appropriate your wife should make that a priority. If you are led to send them to public school and it frees time for your wife to have a practice, then I think it's a perfectly reasonable option.
    Mason
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  23. #23
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    Ewen said in his OP
    She has always felt God's call upon her to be a doctor and everything has been pointing that direction as well. From this point on, it seems she has her life set out for her in the medical field.
    How can YOU speak for God?
    Jessica, you are claiming that she has a clear word from God. She doesn't. He has given her no such mandate. She has passions for certain things.
    You can't say that... if God has called her to be a doctor which is what the OP stated then she should be a doctor. Point blank period. When a man has a calling to be a pastor can another man or a woman say "He has given him no such mandate" as you so flippantly did to this womans calling? are you suggesting by your remarks that she is confused about her calling in life or are you simply saying that her calling isn't all that important?
    Jessica Auner
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    Garden City, Ga
    Ephesus Church
    (a Reformed Baptist church)

    Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

  24. #24
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    She is to submit to God by submitting to her husband, period. Even if he's an absolute jerk, unless he directly orders her to sin then she must submit ("submit" carries with it the embracing of the order that God has established, not mere obedience).

    If she is to go against her husband's wishes there must be clear revelation from God for her to do so
    This is why its so important to have these conversations before rather than after marriage. I would argue that if a man knows his girlfriend/fiance intends to have a career outside the home (and he's not okay with this), he has an absolute duty to disclose this before they marry. (And of course, she should be smart enough to initiate the conversation if he doesn't.)

    4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
    I think its perfectly possible to have a career and fulfill these requirements. I watched my mum do it.

    -----Added 8/5/2009 at 01:43:04 EST-----

    You can't say that... if God has called her to be a doctor which is what the OP stated then she should be a doctor. Point blank period. When a man has a calling to be a pastor can another man or a woman say "He has given him no such mandate" as you so flippantly did to this womans calling? are you suggesting by your remarks that she is confused about her calling in life or are you simply saying that her calling isn't all that important?
    Agreed. And I would add that we should be at least a little careful when talking about an individual who is (a. not present to speak for herself and (b. we have never even met.
    Kathleen M
    nondenominational
    Montana

  25. #25
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    I think it needs to be said currently the woman in question is under the care of her father, since she is not married. These differences between staying home/career, need to be worked out before being married. If she feels she has a call, and others also (like her dad) sees this call, and God gifted her with the talents for this call then I think we would be on shaky ground to question that call.
    James N. Walling
    Center Grove Presbyterian Church (PCA)
    IL

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  26. #26
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    Kathleen is correct when she said:

    This is why its so important to have these conversations before rather than after marriage. I would argue that if a man knows his girlfriend/fiance intends to have a career outside the home (and he's not okay with this), he has an absolute duty to disclose this before they marry. (And of course, she should be smart enough to initiate the conversation if he doesn't.)
    This very thread shows the seriousness of this matter.

    I agree with Joe and others who have pointed out that the Scriptures are very clear on this issue, that her priorities after God are husband and family/home. But none of this necessarily precludes her from being a MD.
    Steve Clevenger, Pastor
    Covenant Reformed Baptist Church
    Warrenton, VA
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  27. #27
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    You can't say that... if God has called her to be a doctor which is what the OP stated then she should be a doctor. Point blank period. When a man has a calling to be a pastor can another man or a woman say "He has given him no such mandate" as you so flippantly did to this womans calling? are you suggesting by your remarks that she is confused about her calling in life or are you simply saying that her calling isn't all that important?
    Sorry, I just don't buy it. Did she get a Word of Wisdom? Otherwise, the fact that "all things are working out and falling into place" by no means suggest that it is God's will. It may easily be temptation. And the fact that others have done it and been fine is no reason to jump into it.

    If her husband has prayerfully considered the situation and does not feel it is appropriate, then that's that. If she will resent him for this decision, then perhaps marriage should be rethought.
    Kevin, husband of a truly angelic woman, and father to twelve.
    Zion United Reformed Church of Sheffield
    Ontario, Canada

  28. #28
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    If her husband has prayerfully considered the situation and does not feel it is appropriate, then that's that. If she will resent him for this decision, then perhaps marriage should be rethought.
    That is the problem they are not married yet, so it must be mutual agreement.
    James N. Walling
    Center Grove Presbyterian Church (PCA)
    IL

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  29. #29
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    "Mutual agreement" does not speak to impending headship.
    Kevin, husband of a truly angelic woman, and father to twelve.
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    Ontario, Canada

  30. #30
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    Impeding is not now, she is not under his headship. She is free to make her own decision now, if their is not a mutual agreement now, then I strongly advise them not to get married.
    James N. Walling
    Center Grove Presbyterian Church (PCA)
    IL

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  31. #31
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    if their is not a mutual agreement now, then I strongly advise them not to get married.
    Agreed. If she feels very differently on the subject, this must be resolved before anything else goes forward.
    Last edited by kvanlaan; 08-05-2009 at 01:50 PM.
    Kevin, husband of a truly angelic woman, and father to twelve.
    Zion United Reformed Church of Sheffield
    Ontario, Canada

  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    You can't say that... if God has called her to be a doctor which is what the OP stated then she should be a doctor. Point blank period. When a man has a calling to be a pastor can another man or a woman say "He has given him no such mandate" as you so flippantly did to this womans calling? are you suggesting by your remarks that she is confused about her calling in life or are you simply saying that her calling isn't all that important?
    Dear Jessica,

    I can only speak for God in so much as He has revealed Himself in Scripture. How can this young lady speak for God? Will she put Him in a box that necessitates her MD, even if that means dishonoring Him in her marriage, home and parenting? You might THINK that you're called to something. But that does not mean that you have divine revelation.

    A few key words in the OP. "felt" "pointing" "seems" None of this is divine mandate. It's perspective, perception, desire, vision, etc. It's good. But it must be in subjection to Scripture and flexible in light of the fact that God is God. He will do what He will for His own glory. And it may be that He will receive much more glory if the young lady is a housewife and mother than if she were a doctor. We must not dare to diminish the grandeur and glory of being called to be a wife and mother.

    You are confusing desire with mandate. I listed the mandates of God that are very clear. You've based your assertions on someone's desires based on circumstances in their lives. This is a persuasive argument, and has a certain degree of credibility, but falls flat on its face when held against and found in any opposition to biblical mandate.

    "Calling" is very subjective. It can and often is based on emotions, desires, perception, experiences, etc., that may or may not line up with God's Word. And I did nothing "flippantly." You misunderstand my motive. I am calling her to godliness, just as I would a man. And if a man tells me that he's called to be a pastor I will do the same thing. We will go through Scripture and discern whether he meets the requirements according to biblical mandate. The requirements according to biblical mandate for a wife have nothing to do with her desire to have a career - absolutely nothing. I'm not saying that her desires shouldn't be taken into consideration. I'm saying that there is no such thing as God telling you that you are to be a dentist for the rest of your life. He might take you though dental school, arrange for all fees paid, give you a mind that grasps it and excels and a steady hand so that you are able to perform unlike any dentist that ever lived. You may desire it more than anything. In such a case all that is proven is that you can be just as guilty of idolatry as an unqualified man who pursues the pastorate. In either case the goal has precipitated obedience to God.

    And, in regard to your last question, "yes." I am saying that she is confused about her calling in life if she thinks she can exercise any jurisdiction over her career decisions, how to train the children, keeping the home in order, etc., in opposition to her husbands leading. If she has simply expressed a desire but at the same time assures her husband-to-be that she will gladly follow him and pursue their marriage and family for the glory of God, even if that means giving up her dreams of being a doctor, then I have misunderstood the OP and I salute her desire for godliness.

    I think inherent in much of the disagreement here is a misunderstanding of "calling." This is for many reasons, including the encroachment of charismatic perspectives on discerning God's will. Ultimately, if she can honor God first, according to Scripture first, and still be a doctor to the glory of God the praise God for another godly doctor. But if she can't take care of the first things, she has no business pursuing the other.

    Blessings,
    For the Glory of our King,
    Joe Johnson
    Slave of Christ, husband, father, grandfather and TMS graduate. Personal website - SoundLife.org
    I do not know, and I do not say, that a person cannot believe in Revelation and in evolution, too, for a man may believe that which is infinitely wise and also that which is only asinine. ~ CHS

  33. #33
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    Yo,

    Please homeschool them babies.... If you can't do it then pay someone to do it for you. There are plenty of Reformed Presbyterian and Baptist saints who homeschool their children and would gladly take your children in as well. Look them up in your local assembly....LOL....

    Tis is true that some parents shouldn't be homeschooling b/c they don't have the giftings of teaching but that doesn't mean they are without friends and collegues who do.

    The most important thing is that the children are raised in God fearing and accurate schooling...Nothing american...LOL...


    Grace and Peace,
    seal
    seal
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  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by sealdaSupralapsarian View Post
    Yo,

    Please homeschool them babies.... If you can't do it then pay someone to do it for you. There are plenty of Reformed Presbyterian and Baptist saints who homeschool their children and would gladly take your children in as well. Look them up in your local assembly....LOL....

    Tis is true that some parents shouldn't be homeschooling b/c they don't have the giftings of teaching but that doesn't mean they are without friends and collegues who do.

    The most important thing is that the children are raised in God fearing and accurate schooling...Nothing american...LOL...


    Grace and Peace,
    seal
    Seal, you are so right! There are plenty of women with room at their dining room tables and in their living rooms who are more than willing to show hospitality to another family in this way. What an opportunity for ministry and the blessing of community! I have homeschooled children whose parents could not for a time or could not at all due to a variety of circumstances and the Lord blessed it tremendously.

    Churches need to be more proactive in specifically telling their congregations that they are committed to Christian education (either homeschooling or Christian day schools) and that there are parents who will help them homeschool, help with supplies, help with methodology, etc. It can be very intimidating and overwhelming, and people need to reach out and say, "We're here. You don't have to place your child in public school because you're a single parent, or because you're poor, or because you don't think you're smart enough to school your own child. You don't have to be afraid of this or that. We're here and we'll show you how such and such works".
    Toni Cunningham, Wife of Bill (Theognome)
    Parkwoods OPC, Overland Park KS


    "Vice is a monster of so frightful mien, As, to be hated, needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace." ~ Alexander Pope

  35. #35
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    I really don't like the choices for this poll.
    Willie Grills
    Saint Paul's Lutheran Church
    Lutheran Church Missouri Synod
    Ashland, KY

  36. #36
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    Seal, you are so right! There are plenty of women with room at their dining room tables and in their living rooms who are more than willing to show hospitality to another family in this way. What an opportunity for ministry and the blessing of community! I have homeschooled children whose parents could not for a time or could not at all due to a variety of circumstances and the Lord blessed it tremendously.
    I've actually not run into people that have done this before, but it seems like a great solution for some families. Probably cheaper than many Christian schools too!
    Kathleen M
    nondenominational
    Montana

  37. #37
    Leslie is offline. Puritanboard Junior
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    I stayed home during my children's preschool years and started medical school when my younger child started first grade. She told her friends, "Mommy and I are both first graders." It wasn't easy but I finished, took my first postgrad year at a VA hospital where they had a benign call schedule. With the exception of two years for one and four for the other, the two of them went to Christian schools through high school. Neither of them resents my having done this (they are in their mid-40's now). A medical career is less demanding now than it was when I went. There was a lot of resident-abuse then--working 32 hours straight and the like--which has been eliminated.

    God has not gifted every woman to be a stay-at-home Mom. I hate housework and hate cooking, went crazy while staying home full time. My rationale for starting medical school was "If I were a child, I'd rather have a half-time good Mom than a full-time witch." That was the choice.

    If you cannot encourage your girlfriend to go to medical school, you should find another girlfriend. The divorce rate amongst married male medical students is high and the rate amongst female medical students is almost 100%. My marriage was one of the very few that survived.
    Mary Vanderkooi
    Kale Heywott Church (KHC)
    Soddo, Ethiopia

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Montanablue View Post
    Seal, you are so right! There are plenty of women with room at their dining room tables and in their living rooms who are more than willing to show hospitality to another family in this way. What an opportunity for ministry and the blessing of community! I have homeschooled children whose parents could not for a time or could not at all due to a variety of circumstances and the Lord blessed it tremendously.
    I've actually not run into people that have done this before, but it seems like a great solution for some families. Probably cheaper than many Christian schools too!
    True - it's rare today for people to offer those types of things. And it shouldn't be among the Body of Christ. And people aren't going to ask, because they are afraid of bothering people and putting them out and appearing "needy" even though everyone is. There are a lot of people in the church who won't invite people over for a cup of coffee much less offer to take on a commitment like that. Yet if the church is going to grow and do what she's meant to do in the world and be salt and light; and if we want to get the freedoms back that we've lost, we need to learn to live in community and depend on one another more. We're so disconnected in our society. No wonder we have all of the problems we do as a nation and as people.
    Toni Cunningham, Wife of Bill (Theognome)
    Parkwoods OPC, Overland Park KS


    "Vice is a monster of so frightful mien, As, to be hated, needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace." ~ Alexander Pope

  39. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knoxienne View Post
    Seal, you are so right! There are plenty of women with room at their dining room tables and in their living rooms who are more than willing to show hospitality to another family in this way. What an opportunity for ministry and the blessing of community! I have homeschooled children whose parents could not for a time or could not at all due to a variety of circumstances and the Lord blessed it tremendously.

    Churches need to be more proactive in specifically telling their congregations that they are committed to Christian education (either homeschooling or Christian day schools) and that there are parents who will help them homeschool, help with supplies, help with methodology, etc. It can be very intimidating and overwhelming, and people need to reach out and say, "We're here. You don't have to place your child in public school because you're a single parent, or because you're poor, or because you don't think you're smart enough to school your own child. You don't have to be afraid of this or that. We're here and we'll show you how such and such works".
    Thank you,

    Me and my wife will be placing our son in Homeschool with another family for a few months while she works b/c our in-home babysitter/homeschooler is going back to school. Not to mention when we were both unbelievers we racked up over $70,000 in school loans combined. So we want to pay off the princinple of our loans which is actually about $40,000 so that she can homeschool and we can be debt free.

    Now me and my wife have every intention to homeschooling all of our children but we also want to start a Christian Day Care. So we are in the process of looking for a home (not in a deed restricted neighborhood) so that we can run a Biblical Daycare out of our home for Christian parents who must work due to this economy or various other reasons. No unregenerate parents/children will be allowed unless they are willing to be ministered to and know that their children will be taught didatic Christian Doctrine. Not to mention misbehavior or ungodly influence from parents/children will not be tolerated.

    We are still in the beginning stages of forming our philosophy on this issue but Homeschooling is very important and foundational for the pro-liferation of our Faith. Public schools and daycares are getting more liberal and humanistic by the second therefore we must grow more in Godliness and our epistemology as well.



    Grace and Peace,
    seal
    seal
    Laymen/Christian Producer/Rapper
    RCA, Tampa FL

  40. #40
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    One thing to talk about is any debt your financee may have coming into your marriage. My sister and another dear Christian friend are both in the situation where they have several kids, really would love to stay home or even just work fewer hours, but the load of their medical school debt makes it impossible to even take a few years off when their kids are young. You don't get those baby years back, and many women who don't think it will be a big deal to them change their minds when they have their babies - its hard to prepare a women with no kids for the depth of protectiveness and connection to her children she will feel as mother. The best thing is plan for her to have the option to stop work once babies come, even if she thinks she wants to keep working. Its hard to imagine a debt-free path to a MD degree - possibly the military? You don't say how far she is in her training...would she be interested in getting RN first, then perhaps considering going back to school after she has kids and they're at least school age? Personally, I wouldn't trade being a full-time keeper at home for any job outside the home, but if she really wants to go that route at least be realistic about the financial details and think about other options that would give her more flexibility later on.
    Catherine
    Preparing to transfer membership to OPC
    Monterey, CA

    Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good,
    and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.

    Proverbs 16:20 ESV


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