One of the things that distresses me most about modern culture is that there is a fake standard of beauty to which no woman can possibly attain. All you have to do is look at a few interviews with (even) supermodels, and they will tend to express dissatisfaction with their looks at some point. The only way to describe society's standards of beauty is to take the measurements of one woman, the face of another woman, etc., until you have the complete picture. Needless to say, no woman has all of this, and it is grossly unfair to women to expect them to attain to this nonexistent standard.

The effect such a standard has on men is evident from rampant pornography problems even in the church. Men are no longer satisfied with their wives, since their wives are (mentally) being made to conform to some outside standard of beauty.

The effect on women is that they become profoundly dissatisfied with their own looks, they become wildly insecure with regard to their husband's affections, and they push themselves to dangerous measures in order to obtain "that look."

The pressure to conform mentally to this standard is immense. We are bombarded with it every day. I would suggest that a biblical approach is needed here.

Men, each man's wife need to be the standard of beauty to her husband, to which standard all other women fall short. Whether this takes an act of the will or not doesn't matter here. Proverbs 5:15-19 is a pointer in this direction, certainly. Furthermore, men, you need to say this often to your wife. Women have notoriously short memories when it comes to whether or not their husbands have said that they love them. ;-) Men, it is your responsibility to let your wives know that you think she is the most beautiful creature on the planet. Period.

Women, instead of seeking to conform yourself to a non-biblical standard, work hardest on that inner beauty of which 1 Peter 3 and 1 Timothy 2 speak. Secondly, with regard to your outer beauty, do not feel that you have to conform to the world's standard of beauty. And, in turn, admire your husbands. Just as much as you love to hear from your husband that you are beautiful, so also does your husband's fragile ego need to hear that you admire his sterling qualities.

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Rev. Lane Keister
Teaching Elder, PCA, North Dakota (working out of bounds in a CRC and an RCA church)
http://greenbaggins.wordpress.com
http://brahmsgreenglove.blogspot.com
http://accenttranslation.blogspot.com
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Great post pastor.

There was a Twilight Zone marathon on New Year's day. I recorded about 30 episodes. They are so refreshing in that they would take one of our inner vices and exaggerate them to proportions where we could see the vanity of vice.

There were two that I had my 13 year old daughter watch. One was of an abominably ugly woman who had bandages on her face and physicians had tried to change her bone structure so that she could fit into society. Of course, the surgeries failed. When they took the bandages off we saw that she was extremely beautiful and the doctors and nurses, who had been in shadows, were grotesque. She was put away with other 'freaks' like herself. It was a great lesson in the amorphous, changing standards of physical beauty.

There second was about society in the future (the year 2000) where at a certain age a person chose from a set group of models their looks and body because everyone had to be beautiful. It was great, this girls dad, uncle and two of her doctors were based on model #17, the most popular male model. They all looked alike. Her mom, was #12. The girl didn't want to be like everyone else, she wanted to be plain. She was considered unstable for not wanting to be beautiful and later was forced into 'the transformation' and she became a blond bimbo just like her sister.

I've been in printing and image manipulation for many years now. I have explained over and over to my daughters that the beautiful girls in the pictures don't exist - they are airbrushed, distorted, cloned ideals of marketers.

The pressure is amazing on our wives and daughters. To make matters worse, kids are now wanting to grow up to be famous as if fame is the chief virtue to strive for. Parenting is not an easy task when every biblical value, principle and virtue is being over turned by the culture. I feel like we are in the Twilight Zone.

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Bob Vigneault (Bawb Vēēn-yo)
I just know there's got to be a pony in here somewhere!

The Heartbeat of Heaven (blog) MySpace (Music), MySpace (Personal)
Member of Christ Presbyterian Church, Janesville, WI OPC www.christ-opc.org

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, Rev. Keister. I couldn't agree more. You have most powerfully articulated what I have magnificently failed to express in the past. Thank you!

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Josh Hicks, Chloë's Daddy
Member of TRBC, Attending CCRPC. My Blog
The Puritan Pub (Team Blog)
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And if I may add; we "younger" men need to ensure that our priorities are not the World's and that we do not act, be it in thought, word or deed, in such a way that says to women that their value corresponds with how they appear. We need to make sure that women understand that our standards are those of God and that if women want to be beautiful in our eyes then they ought adorn themselves with the beauty of holiness and encourage them to do so.

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Richard
CofE
UK

This is one of the most difficult things to teach children, boys and girls alike. I've tried to stress to my own children God has created each of us to look the way we do.

He brought people together from very different countries around the world to meet, marry and come together just to create them in the unique fashion He wants them to be. had anyone of them stayed in their homelands they never would have met or married the person they did..and none of us would exist.

So that we exist at all is God's providence and will, the way we look is the way God ordained it from before the world was ever created, and that God cared enough to ensure all of those things took place at just the right time in history to create THEM just the way are..tell's them how much they are loved by Our creator. And that is what is important, not what anyone else wants to think or believe about their looks. And God will bring just the right person for them in the future to create any children He desires them to have, and they too will look just the way God desires them to look.

And when we complain about our looks we are in essence telling God "He made a mistake in how HE created us in the Image He designed" which is a lie, in that when God created the world He looked out and said "It is very good."

And the sad thing is, it took me many years to get to this point where I believe it, as I was always complaining against How God created me..based on man's comments about my looks..

But I notice my kids sometimes make comments like "you only say that because your my mom, and your supposed to say things like that." I tell them "No, I say it because it's TRUE, I used to struggle the way you do, but have come to see myself as God's creation
forming me just the way HE wanted me to look to bring Himself glory and the lengths He went through placing people in the right place just so that *I* and then *You* would be born at all."

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Bobbi Clark
Covenant Member
Pinewood Pres. (PCA) Middleburg

When I kept Silent, My bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. Psalm 32:3

Agreeing with everything so far, I also think we ought to avoid the danger of swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction (not that we were), to where a certain external beauty is not valued much at all. As you well agree, God took great care and delight in adorning the flowers and leaves and trees with visual appeal, as he does with all of his creation in their own and unique way. He is the greatest perfectionist! And, I think women ought not to purposefully or negligently stumble in the other direction, to where they stifle and suppress their gift of visual attractiveness that God has given them, nor do I think they ought to distort it to fit some superficial, worldly paradigm of any age or culture. I think it is okay to attend to external beauty, as well as internal beauty, and the former ought to be delicately and appropriately taught to daughters by their mothers and fathers, and the latter ought to be highly emphasized.

Excellent post!

Blessings to you today!

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Charles Plauger
Member/Grace Reformed Church
Oakland, MD

Preference toward physical beauty seems to be wrong yet so natural. I cosider it a consequence of the fall into sin.

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Bruce
PCUSA
Ocean City NJ

One thing I most defintely struggle with is the fleshly battle between finding a Godly woman vs. a Wordly woman. At this point I dont think I'm ready to engage in a relationship. Lord Willing I pray I abstain when tempted to enter a bad one.

Thanks for the post!

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Nathan Olaf Brandal
First Baptist Church of Kirkland

"Man is nothing: he hath a free will to go to hell, but none to go to heaven, till God worketh in him to will and to do his good pleasure"
GEORGE WHITEFIELD TO JOHN WESLEY

My Blog

Proverbs 31:30

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

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Andrew DeShazo, Deacon, Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church, Memphis, TN
"All of us stumble in many ways, but if anyone is never at fault in what he says, then he is mature, able to control his whole body."(James 3:2)

As one of the old guys here (54), I can testify to what you have all said (Lane, that was a powerful post, brother). The pressure of the culture is enormous.

My older daughter is both very smart and a "drop dead" beautiful woman (outwardly and in terms of Godly character) who made it through college and seminary summa cum laude in 4.5 yrs. Yet, despite my best efforts, she always felt inadequate about her looks and complained about this or that part of her body. Now she is married to a man who adores her and regularly affirms her. Her high school students also appreciate her. But, that external beauty will change over time. She will age and wrinkle. Over time, it will be her inner beauty that will illuminate and radiate through her body.

It is also interesting how fickle standards of beauty are during different ages. Once the Rubenesque figure with its ample flesh was viewed as more to be desired than the bony, skinny look. During the Twiggy era in the 60s, we had anorexic ideals for models. Cheryl Teague returned us to the more voluptuous standard.

I always cautioned my sons to relativize the importance of the external appearance and to focus on Godly character. A few pounds here or there, a few wrinkles, whatever. The body will change; fall in love with the women who has Godly character and you will be satisfied for a lifetime.

I know a man who was addicted to p*** as an adolescent. He chased after a proverbial hourglass figured woman who reminded him of the girls in the magazines. After their first child, she put on more than 80 lbs. she did not lose. From voluptuous she went to slovenly. Programmed with wrong views of beauty, he kept chasing after conventional ideals of beauty. It led to affairs, a loss of ministry, and dissatisfaction in his marriage. No thanks! Truly love the one you're with and you will be satisfied for a lifetime; focus on shifting worldly cultural standards of beauty and you may be miserable beyond all measure.

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Dennis E. McFadden, Ex Mainline Baptist (in Remission)
Atherton Baptist Homes, CEO
First Baptist Church of Alhambra, Member, Transformation Ministries (CA)

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Well Solomon certainly thought so; as far as I am concerned, if a woman is not the most beautiful woman in the world in your eyes then don't marry her.

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Daniel Ritchie
Saintfield, Northern Ireland - Queen's University, Belfast:History/Politics
Member of Dromara Reformed Presbyterian Church of Ireland (Covenanter)

One last pointer for you young guys: I minister in a retirement center with 350 senior saints. The ones with inner beauty are wonderously attractive well into their 80s. It doesn't matter whether they are slender or full bodied, tall or short, blond or brunette (hey, most of them are gray by this point). They light up the room when they enter. And, yes, they are still "sexy" (whatever that means) and appealing to the opposite sex. People are drawn to them and want to spend time with them. When their husbands pass away, all of the single guys (few that they may be) flock to them. The former beauty queens who lack Godly graces age like old prunes. They look dull and unattractive and are most unpleasant to be around.

I recognize that this is anecdotal and unscientific, but I know a little bit about the use of little blue pills by some of the males in the senior set. It would seem to me that those women who may not have been the most culturally beautiful during their younger years, but who cultivated Godly character and graces, are often married to men most interested in continuing to enjoy God's gift of marital intimacy into their 80s. Bottom line: select on the basis of "looks" and you may find your interest declining over years as physical changes come. Make your choice based on Godly values and you will find that your marriage deepens and ripens over the years, well into retirement.

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Dennis E. McFadden, Ex Mainline Baptist (in Remission)
Atherton Baptist Homes, CEO
First Baptist Church of Alhambra, Member, Transformation Ministries (CA)

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I do think that God intended to make man diverse and that we tend to have way too narrow a standard of beauty. However, I can't agree with everything posted in this thread. Some posts, Bobbi's in particular, seem to forget the reality of the Fall and the effects of disease, deformity, death, and decay on beauty. To say that we are all beautiful because God in his providence made us the way we are seems to me to be fatalistic. We don't say that we are all healthy because God made in his providence made us the way we are, so why should we say that about beauty? I believe there is a sense that we can wish that our bodies were not marred by the Fall, and we can look forward to the return of Christ and the restoration of all things.

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Scott Roper
Member, Redeemer Presbyterian Church (PCA): "A bunch of hippie Calvinists"
Winston-Salem, NC

That opening post was a good one. It reminds me of the situation I am in. I learned something of this nature early on luckily (i am only 25). My finacee needs to hear things like this. Not only is she a beautiful woman she is very smart. Unfortunately her mother tends to belittle her about her weight and chimes in with remarks every time she eats.

Boys let me be the first to say she isnt heavy. It blows my mind to think that a mother would talk to a daughter like that. Then again the mother is sickly skinny looking. I find it important to remind my lady how much i love her, how wonderful of a person she is and how beautiful i think she is. I do it daily. I am not just trying to counteract those remarks her mother makes. But i think its important.

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Brian E
Attending Christ Reformed Baptist Church
Milwaukee, WI

I, too, appreciate the wonderful first post and several after them. As a woman, it is a delight to hear there are still men out there who understand and care about inner beauty.

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J Baldwin
Keowee Presbyterian Church, PCA
Pickens, SC
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27

Check Out My Blog: http://reflectjoy.blogspot.com/

Sammy Kershaw, She Don't Know She's Beautiful:

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Andrew Myers
Husband of Jessica, Father of Jackson, Katie and Samuel
Member, Presbyterian Reformed Church of Northern Virginia
Warrenton, VA USA
Editor, The Matthew Poole Project

"Let your Morning Thoughts, and your last Evening Thoughts, be what shall become of you to all Eternity." -- Matthew Poole

Well-said! Sammy ran for Lt. Governor in the Commonwealth of Louisiana. He lost, but I still voted for him. Seriously, this is a good song in light of current discussion.

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J. B. Atken
John Knox PCA
Layman, M.A. student at Louisiana College

Ha, let's remember that runway models are picked by fashion designers which are often effeminate, gay men who are themselves rail thin.

Thus, the models are a reflection - not of female beauty - but the distorted idea of gay-men-beauty.


I read a scientific study (no kidding), perhaps from Scientific American that showed that most men thought that figures such as Salma Hayek (i.e. fuller) were more beautiful. Of course,the Darwinian spin was that this hour-glass figure was better for breeding, more fertile and thus more fit for evolutionary means.



Great post above.

While I do think there are objective standards of beauty and that a man can admit this, I do agree that we should always praise our wives.

ONE ISSUE: This is from an experience my college friend had.

If your wife asks if she is the most beautiful woman in the world, this shows deep insecurity - but I am not sure lying to her is the solution, however. Or, if she is insecure and asks if other women are beautiful, I don't think lying here is also recommended. My friend lied very often to appease his wife and I am sure that this cute-but-not-gorgeous wife knew that she was not THE most beautiful woman in the world. In the end she not only was insecure but also did not trust her husband's word because he always said things merely to appease her.

My friend asked my advice and I suggested that he repond that "you are beautiful, I do not compare others to you..." as a sufficient response.

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Pergamum


"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?"
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