Thread: Family divided...

I am hoping that I can get some Godly advice concerning an issue with my family.

My wife and son formerly were active members in an Independent Christian Church (strongly Arminian / legalistic / emergent)... a church that requires baptism by immersion to be saved. The missiology and soteriology are strongly Arminian and emergent in nature. Obviously, we disagree with just about everything they say and teach.

The problem is that both of my sisters and my brother (all of whom I was very close with and still see on a regular basis) are members there - they and their family. We have parted ways doctrinaly, and we have split our family apart. Even the unbelievers in our family know about it, and do not understand. We have to be able to get along because we all work together in a family-owned business. My questions is this... "How can we live together (in harmony) as Christian brothers and sisters when there is such dramatic differences between everything we believe???"

Thanks for any help you can offer,

There are a bunch of us on the board who can relate to what you're going through and for similar reasons.

First you need to become on expert in the rules of engagement as far as you are concerned. Here they are from Romans 12:

9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Then, in an ever so winsome manner, ask those who you have 'troubled' just why they are troubled. If they don't agree with your doctrine or convictions, then gently ask them to show you from the Bible that you are wrong. Let them know that your understanding of scripture is not controlled by your doctrinal slant but that it's scripture that has lead to the confessional summary that you have subscribed to. Show them the confession and ask, where would you disagree.

You need to avoid the appearance of personality conflict and clashing opinions and make it a mutual seeking for Biblical truth.

That's a start anyway.

Welcome to the PB brother Matt.

Thanks. There's no doubt that I need to be more humble... and learning how to sincerely bless those who persecute seems like an impossibility this side of perfection.

Looking at the Bible is really not an option... we've done that before, and all it does is start quarrels.

I do have a lot of work... It's hard because even though they're so far from the truth, Jesus remains a focal point in their lives. Likewise, the Lord is the center of my life too... so, should we just not talk about God, church, etc... should we simply limit ourselves to small talk? That would make me feel unauthentic, I think... ???

Matt, you may have to come up with the literal definition of the "working relationship." Certainly if your kin begin to bring up church issues, you should reply but you will probably need to be the one to stop said discussions before they degenerate.

Rather than argue/debate the doctrinal differences, one tack may be to challenge their catholicity (little c)... and live out yours. Treat them as Christian brethen, even if (when?) they do not reciprocate. When the occasion occurs, ask point blank (if you haven't already) whether they consider you still a Christian brother. If so, let the debates end. If not, point out their sectarianism.

I can relate somewhat to you dear brother. All you can do is show kindness to them and pray for them. Remember, our Lord warned of this very thing:

Mat 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Mat 10:36 And a man's foes [shall be] they of his own household.
Mat 10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me

Originally Posted by SIXDAYZ

Looking at the Bible is really not an option... we've done that before, and all it does is start quarrels.

Sorry, but that's ultimately all you have. I know the battle well. It becomes the battle of the dreaded "interpretation"

The use of the reason of the Scriptures is effective on both parties IITim 3:16,17.

Bless you in your efforts, brother...and WELCOME!

I know how you feel. My wife's first cousin is a Campbellite pastor and, though we get along ok, we lock horns alot re/ interpretation of Scripture.

SIXDAYZ;

The problem is that both of my sisters and my brother (all of whom I was very close with and still see on a regular basis) are members there - they and their family. We have parted ways doctrinaly, and we have split our family apart. Even the unbelievers in our family know about it, and do not understand. We have to be able to get along because we all work together in a family-owned business. My questions is this... "How can we live together (in harmony) as Christian brothers and sisters when there is such dramatic differences between everything we believe???"

Thanks for any help you can offer,

You live together in harmony with your love for Christ..and remember that you are always a witness to those in your household who are not believers..

Pray before you go to these family gatherings, and if they desire to talk doctrine, then ask that before you do so that you pray together, asking God to open your hearts to hear HIS TRUTH, then open HIS WORD and share what HE says..

If you notice yourself getting aggitated with them because they are not hearing YOU, remind yourself it is the Holy Spirit that does the teaching and all you are doing is watering the lawn...the rest is up to Him to work and bring to understanding or not..

And it's not just about the believers in your family hearing the truth, it is also about the Non-Believers in your family being presented the truth..and it may not be those who are already in the faith who need to be brought to a deeper understanding right now...it could be God working in the hearts of those who have not yet believed, using these disagreements to bring them to Himself..

Remember you said they are hearing and don't understand, how does God clear confusion? By shining the light in on it..and plowing the field of their hearts..so if you get aggitated, will they want to come to you and ask you questions about why you believe what you do?? Or will they be hesitant to do so, believing you will also get aggitated with them for asking?