Poll: Fewer fathers want to be stay-at-home dads - CNN.com


Article from CNN.

Whaderyerthoughts?

Do you think dads in the past spent much more "quality time" with their kids, especially young kids (with farming, travelling, etc) or do you think we have just become more sensitive to this issue.




Historically, how have these things changed?

What is the solution now?

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Pergamum


"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?"
-- David Livingstone

All though I don't think the idea of "stay at home dads" is any good, I think a father needs to play an important part in a childs development.

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Joseph F Scibbe
Chaplain Assistant
Chapel of Wings Ft Rucker Al
Ephesians 1:4-7, 1 Thessalonians 2:8, Romans 12:1-2
Titus 2:2 - But you, teach what accords with sound doctrine.

http://twitter.com/just_joe_scibbe

It doesn't seem like anything new. My Dad worked hard and long hours and was away alot, but his presence was always with me anyway. You couldn't get away from it. When he was gone, he assigned me tasks that I could never complete before he got back.

And quality time with Dad usually meant hard work, swearing, and lots of yelling, so, yeah, I treasured those periods when he was otherwise "preoccupied."

But that was my perspective as a kid. Looking back, those times Dad was working me and pushing me were the best things he could have done. I learned the basics of almost every trade there is, from electrical wiring, concrete pouring, to diesel mechanics. He also taught me to respect others, mind my own business, and form judgments after rational thought instead of impulse.

Plus, even though he was a hard-driver, he taught me how to shoot and fish and whitewater raft. What a man, even though he was off slaying dragons the majority of his time. And he always said he was soft compared to his dad.

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Raymond Victor Bottomly
Providence Reformed Baptist Church, Tacoma, WA

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

It doesn't amaze me that 40% of dads spend two hours or less with their kids during the week.

What amazes me in this day and age is that apparently 60% of dads spend two hours or MORE with them.

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Ben
Chaplain, US Army
Ft. Riley, KS
TE Ohio Valley Presbytery, PCA

Yes, this is not surprising giving the pressure that is on fathers and husbands. So if you figure:
8 - 10 Hours for Work
5:00 PM - 6:00 PM for Dinner
Duties at Home - Home Repair, Manage Finances, Problem Resolution
Let's say at this point it is about 7:00 PM
Spend an hour with kids on devotionals, play, and guidance.
8:30 - 9:00 PM kids go to bed.

So the whole point is that we shouldn't be concerned with the quantity of time, but should be concerned with the quality. The problem with this is that quality is very difficult to measure from the outside looking in. So I wouldn't put too much confidence in these metrics.

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PuritanGeek
Member of LakeOPC
Wickliffe, Oh
Blog: What Justin's Thinking

I spend approximately 45 minutes per day with my 1 year old.

I'm up and out of the house at 6:10 in the morning, before he gets up, and I don't get home till 6:15, which gives me 45 minutes with him before his 7 PM bed time. It definitely makes you look forward to the weekends.

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Eric
Woodgreen Presbyterian (PCA)
Calgary, Alberta CANADA

I would fall into that 40% figure I guess. Oftentimes I do not see my children before I leave in the morning, which leaves me with 1-2 hours when I get home from work. My two kids are quite young, so they go to bed around 7:00 or 7:30.

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Daniel
PCA
Memphis, TN

Is this article really alerting us to a danger? I suspect dad's always have spent little time with the kids. Even in "the good ol' days" most of the "quality time" was spent together in farming families working like dogs trying to make a living.

I'm not sure it has changed a that much. My father grew up on a farm, and I gather that he wasn't spending a whole lot of time with his father. There was lots of farming to be done each day, not loads of time to spend with kids.

-----Added 6/23/2009 at 02:37:32 EST-----

I think you are accurate here.

I think the whole poll is nonsense, suggesting that men should be mothers in the home. A man who is providing for his household won't be home for long periods during the workweek.

The obverse of this nonsense would be the amount of women spending time with the kids. What direction would you suppose those numbers are going? Are they, as a whole, investing their time in raising their children, or is the daycare center doing it so they can be today's men?

Theognome

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Bill Cunningham
Covenant Reformed Church, URC
Kansas City
There are three kinds of people- those who can count, and those who can't.

Is the media trying to guilt men into becoming Mr Moms? i.e. work less and stay at home and split the housework?

I think a more logical conclusion is that about 50% of dads are liars.

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Edward
Deacon
PCA
Texas

Tripel;


My husband considered that spending quality time with his dad..they worked as ranch hands and because they worked together, they spent time together..his dad teaching him and training him on those things..and from watching men and their kids, especially their sons, it seems many of them 'bond' more during work than during play time.

My husband knew when he got home there would be school work, chores, dinner, and bedtime shortly after...so he really enjoyed having that 'time' with his dad..even though they were working.

My grandfather bonded with his children and many of his grandchildren in much the same way, during work--harvesting hay, tending the sheep, tending the cows, even helping with homework after all the work was done in the evening..

So really the only thing that has changed is that fathers and their children rarely work together anymore..to have that 'bonding' time..

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Bobbi Clark
Covenant Member
Pinewood Pres. (PCA) Middleburg

When I kept Silent, My bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. Psalm 32:3

I have to disagree with you here. My father made a huge effort to spend time with us when we were growing up and it is something that I appreciate immensely as an adult. We were homeschooled and he took the responsibility of teaching us a few subjects. As well, he made an effort to get home from work at a reasonable hour so that we could all have dinner together (which usually took at least an hour) and then could spend time together. A few times a month, my mom went out to spend time with other homeschooling moms or with church friends, and we all made dinner together (because my poor father, bless his heart, cannot cook to save his life!). He also made a point of taking us into work with him sometimes. I really treasure these times with my Dad and it definitely gave us a closer relationship. I've noticed a contrast between myself and other friends (also Christians) who did not spend as much time with their fathers growing up. The women especially do not seem to enjoy close relationships with their Dads and have a habit of "running to Mom" rather than going to both their parents for advice. I, on the other hand, often call my Dad first rather than my Mom or I try to catch them both at home together - although it varies, of course, depending on the situation

Of course, this may not be practical for many men. My father was blessed to be working on a very flexible schedule (community college professor). I understand that many families are in difficult situations and in order for the physical needs of their children to be met, the father may not be able to spend an ideal amount of time with children. I'm not condemning those men at all, but if its possible to spend more time with your kids, you should. I don't think there's anything "unmanly" or feminizing about it, even if you are spending time with daughters. (A side effect of spending so much time with my father is that I am able to repair the plumbing in our apartment and do small repairs (changing the oil etc) on my car!)

As far as women spending time with kids - I agree with you. Women should also be spending time with their kids. Daycares are, in my opinion, kind of horrifying. BUT, a mother will never take the place of a father. Both parents have unique roles in their children's lives and I think its important that both be active in their kids lives.

I've probably gone on for too long, but this is a subject about which I'm fairly passionate. I used to work in an STD center and we saw a lot of messed up guys and girls. One of the major factors in their problems was an absent and/or uncompassionate father.

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Kathleen M
nondenominational
Montana

I hope my kids respect me later like you respect your dad now, Vic. My kids work for me, so they spend closer to 10 hours per day with me than 2, but it isn't the amount of time, it's the quality of the time.

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Tim Vaughan
Member, Redeemer Presbyterian, OPC,
Santa Maria
California

I hope so too, Tim. My Dad's gone, and I miss him.

The 40% number has to be very low, I didn't see any mention in the article about the high illegitimacy rate in this country and how they factored that into the study. I'll bet they didn't.

I'd be more interested and concerned to know the number of Dads that spend zero time with their children because they are absent from the child's life altogether.

Like it was eluded to earlier - just being involved somehow on a regular basis can make a big impact in a child's life.

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Steve Butts - Former SBC-er
Three Forms of Unity - Bradenton CRCNA - Bradenton, Florida
(A conservative member in a conservative congregation)

"Turning away to false Theology is equal to turning away to false gods" — Francis Schaeffer (Death in the City)

My husband usually spends about 2 hours with our kids and I thought that was really good! Not all intensely focused on them of course - eating supper, working in the garden, reading his email - he pretty much always has a little duckling trail following him around at home. But they go down at 8 pm and then he's mine, all mine! It doesn't really seem practical that someone who works until at least 5:30 or 6 pm would be with them much more. We all eat breakfast together in the morning, so that adds another 30 minutes or so. What's sad is when both parents work that schedule, so the child isn't with either parent at all for more than a few hours a day. That's where the whole idea of "quality time" really came from I believe.

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Catherine
PCA
Waldorf, MD

Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good,
and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.
Proverbs 16:20 ESV

We homeschooled our dd (SarahB) from 6th grade through highschool and for five of those years her dad was able to work from home. Although much of his time was spent in his office at his computer he was still available to help with math, to harrass us and eat lunch with us. As a result, Sarah is very close to him. He was called back to his regular job soon after she graduated so I see this period in our lives as a direct blessing from God.

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Sue Scott
First Evangelical Presbyterian Church - PCA
East Liverpool Ohio

I think the biggest difference is in young adult boys and how much time they get with dad. I imagine at a certain age young men would go WITH their father and travel/work in the past. Nowadays dad goes off to work and the young men are left with mom, at school, etc. I think fathers should be the biggest influence on their sons, so if they do have to work where they can't take their son with them, they should spend their time with them doing projects and teaching them life skills, hardwork, etc (and obviously about Christ).

I think it's absolutely wonderful when a father can take his son to work with him.

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Vanessa Pruitt
Wife to Adam; Mother to Gregory (3) & Ezekiel (15 months)
Hastings, NE