I hesitated to create this thread for three reasons: 1) Its presumptuous to assume my thoughts are worthy of being read; 2) I am rather convinced that these things are fairly obvious and well-known to every member on here except, apparently, myself; 3) I have not reached the full assurance of faith yet, but can clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel.

However, since I've shared for the past month and a half on this board, at various times, how grievous a chastening I was under, and how fierce a demonic oppression, I figured it would be appropriate to share some good things I was learning. Hopefully they will resonate with and benefit someone. I wasn't planning on typing this, but I can't sleep at all. Also, for those who p.m.'d or responded to me from the other thread, I never ended up taking any anxiety medication (or any other kind). And for that I'm very thankful. Regardless:

1) I don't know exactly how to say this, but beware of a Christ-less Calvinism. Somehow over the past few years, Christ had become a necessary cog in my understanding of the ordo salutis. Obviously that's a bit of an overstatement. I never consciously disbelieved in Him or rejected Him outright; I still prayed in His name and realized His mediatorship was absolutely fundamental to my relationship with God.

However, in a real way, due to overreaction against the Pentecostalism of my early Christian years, Christ had become more of a theological truth, as opposed to my treasure, sustenance, hiding place, and life. Mary anointed the Lord's feet with her tears, and wiped them off with her hair. John rested on the breast of the Lord. I don't know how to make it any more plain than that, but I was far from Mary, John, and their utter adoration of Christ's person.

So with Paul, I pray I reach a point where I can even begin to understand:

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

- Gal. 2:20

"According to my earnest expectation and my hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ, which is far better."

- Philippians 1:20-23

2) Small foxes spoil the vineyard. I have made lengthy posts on Christian liberty in the past couple years, and in principle (though not in spirit), I still agree with all of them. However, be wary that your Christian liberty (which you should rejoice in; it's a strength of the Reformed tradition) does not lead you astray.

I think that many of us who were converted into evangelicalism or Pentecostalism, once having discovered Christian liberty, can fall into the trap of taking it too far. It didn't happen overnight. At first I just realized that I could have a glass of wine or a beer, without it being sinful. I realized that all of my music didn't have to be Christian music in order to be enjoyed.

And I still agree with that, in principle. However, we are to use wisdom. Godly, vigorous, realistic wisdom, that realizes we have enemies without, and an enemy within. And three years of "iffy" movies, "iffy" music, "iffy" television, etc., all rolled together, just a constant assault of unChristian (and thereby anti-Christian on some level) entertainment, can easily harden you to the sweetness of the grace of Christ and to the things of the Spirit.

3) Satan, along with the rest of the fallen angels, are infinitely smarter than you are. In the same way that I believed in Christ on paper, but lost the "vision" of Him in my heart, and the panting, even so I believed in Satan theologically, but it had very little emotional or practical import.

Satan is infinitely less powerful than God. Literally. However, I used to write that off and view him as somewhat irrelevant. I've rethought that. Satan is infinitely less powerful than God, but practically he's still infinitely more powerful than you. How many of us take Peter seriously, "Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour."

The import and imperative of that verse was lost on me. I used it to prove a personal Satan, and whatever imperative did come across mainly boiled down to, "guard against temptation", hum drum, etc.

We have enemies. Be on the alert. They don't sleep, they are ever waking, and ever hating.

But like I said, they are smarter than you. I had identified my "past life" as a certain "type": Namely, a hippie. I was into Eastern religions, neopaganism, psychdelics, etc. (back in '97 - '99). Long hair, skinny, non-aggressive. God gloriously saved me, and I've always been keenly aware of the dangers of my past and its influences. However, I didn't realize that I was becoming something equally heinous to God.

Over the past year or so, practically I had more care invested in how strong I could get, and how much I could lift, than in Christ, and how many souls around me were perishing. I was drinking too much whisky, and forming some Waylon Jennings, Hank III, working man, the South shall rise again persona that was utterly foreign to me in the past. But because it wasn't an Eastern hippie persona, I didn't realize the utter heinousness of it.

I don't know the point I'm trying to make exactly, other than: Be careful about falling into sins and thought-patterns that you've never had a problem with before. You might have a great defense against a series of sinful thoughts, only to easily slip into a whole different sinful pattern.

4) These Scriptures are also part of God's infallible Word:

Ephesians 4:32-5:2: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour."

Philippians 2:1-5: If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus...

Colossians 3:12-14: Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

I believe doctrine is vital, and the importance thereof hasn't lessened in my mind one whit; anything the Word touches on is vital and relevant.

That being said, I believe this is one area where the P.B. falls woefully short, and hopefully we are not like that in real life. Perhaps I am utterly wrong in my assessment, but it seems as if our "love" is really a gritting-through-the-teeth tolerance. We "love" because we don't want to have other posters call us on the carpet for our lack of love. Most of the argumentation is not done in a spirit of love. We want to have our ego shine, and prove the logical fallacies and strawmen of our opponent, so that we can shine gloriously as the One Defender of Truth.

That's hyperbolic. And as I said, everything we debate is important. But I can't help but think that 50% of it is ego-driven. We so righteously protest that we are offended, that we've given no offense; we snip and cut and lacerate and justify it because we are to "speak the truth."

We are. But I'm rather certain we're doing that well here already, and not really taking the "in love" part very seriously at all.

That applies to real life, also. I've never read Schaeffer that much, but I saw a line one time where he talked about confronting the world with tears in our eyes. I thought it was a quaint, nice thought, and then trashed it. But I've been sorely convicted about my lack of love for people in general. I have a stony heart that is curved in on itself.

If we truly believed that God's grace alone and His grace only distinguishes us from the unbelieving world, then we shouldn't be so calloused. We should entreat homosexuals, Wiccans, postmoderns, etc, and others, as the ambassadors of Christ, to be reconciled to God, and flee from the wrath to come, not callously writing them off and joking about how they are headed to an eternal torture chamber. I know that I myself, at least, was more like Jonah and his relationship to Ninevah, than Christ and His tears over Jerusalem.

5) Lastly, if you are treasuring some sin, kill it.

Get rid of it. Fight against it.

I've never taken sin seriously enough. But now I'm seeing it like Achan. Keep that one thing willingly and resolutely from God, and your whole life could be laid waste. 1 John 1:9 is true, gloriously true for the elect. Who hasn't abused God's grace? However, practically speaking, every time you presumptuously charge on that, and focus more on the logical chain of Rom. 8:28-30 more than your current relationship to God, you are storing up for yourself (quite possibly, not a law I suppose) chastening of the Lord.

God is not mocked.

I've indulged sin before because I knew I had a real faith, and I knew that those who had a real faith would finally persevere and be saved. So, as long as I'm going to be saved, it can't be all that big a deal, right?

It's not worth it. God can put you through many a dungeon of His own, notwithstanding the eternal reality of your salvation, that you would much rather not want to be in. I don't know how else to put it: Only that a few weeks before this severe chastening started, I read, "Be not as the horse or the mule which have no understanding, and must be held in with bit and bridle before they come to you..."

And I didn't fully take it to heart. I should have. So if you're struggling with something, or just steadfastly refusing to repent of something ever so small... repent. I know after about the eighty-fifth justly inflicted lash, I was realizing the value of proactive repentance.

6) God is faithful, and He is abundant in long-suffering, goodness, and kindness. He has been better to me over the past few days, moreso than I remotely observed, and were this chastening to last another month, there's a part of me that could understand why.

I see the absolute wisdom in leaving me in this darkened state, simply because it makes me fear even the remote possibility of sin, or not taking His law and word very, very seriously. And the few times I've had a good measure of peace in the last couple days, I realized immediately the depravity of my own heart. As God lessens up the reins on me, I instantly just... realize why they were on in the first place, and strive to cleave unto Him.

Anyway, I am still very much in the tunnel, both of God's providence and, I believe (and I know some on here would think this absurd or trite) sardonic, demonic harassment. Regardless, forgive me where I've overstated, or understated, or mis-stated. It wasn't intentional. I'm certainly not holier than thou. Most of you knew this stuff all along; I just don't pick up on stuff as quick. Had I not been so public with my need for prayer, I wouldn't have presumed to "share" or "teach". So, my apologies.

- Joshua

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Joshua Wiseman
Riverview PCA
Charleston, WV

"Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings."
- Psalm 17:8

Brother Joshua -- This is one of the most humble, wise and true statements that I have read on the PB. As you know, you are in my thoughts and prayers. May the grace of God abound in you more and more to his own glory.

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Andrew Myers
Husband of Jessica, Father of Jackson, Katie and Samuel
Member, Presbyterian Reformed Church of Northern Virginia
Warrenton, VA USA
Editor, The Matthew Poole Project

"Let your Morning Thoughts, and your last Evening Thoughts, be what shall become of you to all Eternity." -- Matthew Poole

Joshua, thank you for the sobering thoughts!

Blessings and Peace.


John

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John
Member Under Care
Christ Prebyterian Church (OPC)
Salt Lake City, Utah
www.christpres.net

Many wonderful and sober admonitions here. Thanks for sharing.

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~Beth Ellen Nagle~
Lakeside Church -Wales, WI (PCA)
Married to John
One wonderful daughter, Chaela Joelle
Creative Outlet: www.eclecticstudiocafe.com/blog

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The man who is disposed to think of his sin as a great calamity, rather than as a heinous crime, is not likely either to reverence God or to respect His law. - John Kennedy, 1873
Meg
Blog
Member, Intown Presbyterian Church,PCA, Portland, OR

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

Joshua, thank you so much for taking the time to write and share these sanctifying reflections. As I read through them my mind quickly went to our Lord's words to Peter in Matt 16:17:

Surely the Holy Spirit has dealt with you in your mind and in your flesh. You have paid for this knowledge, as have we all, in lost opportunities and joy. But praise God he has sent the Comforter to teach you. You have wrestled in flesh and blood but it was God's spirit that revealed a 'life abundant'. Your considerations also reminded me of the other 'flesh and blood' verses from the Word. Here they are:

1 Cor. 15:50 I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.

John 6:53 So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. 55 For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. 56 Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him.

Heb 2:14 Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, 15 and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.

Eph 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

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Bob Vigneault (Bawb Vēēn-yo)
I just know there's got to be a pony in here somewhere!

The Heartbeat of Heaven (blog) MySpace (Music), MySpace (Personal)
Member of Christ Presbyterian Church, Janesville, WI OPC www.christ-opc.org

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

That was so good I had to read it twice son. God is doing some great things for you and in you. You inspired me this morning to chase those little foxes and cast out the caananites brother.

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1689 Baptist Confession

Psa 55:16 As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me.
Psa 55:17 Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.
James Farley, Wilderness Road Baptist Assembly.
Husband of Melissa and father of Ann.
www.wildernessroadbaptist.org

Joshua,
Thank you for these sobering thoughts of truth. God truly is making you a "Wise man" as He brings you through dark valleys of trial. Some Puritan once said something like this: "The best wine of God's Truth is found in the deepest, darkest cellar". I will pray for you brother. May God bless you richly!
Jim

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Jim
Elder, Harvest Reformed Church (RCUS)
http://www.harvestreformedchurch.org/
http://tbftgoggi.wordpress.com/

Upon a life I did not live; upon a death I did not die, Another's death, Another's life, I'd rest my soul eternally
Omnia dicta fortiora,si dicta Latina
Si vis pacem, para bellum

Joshua, what others have testified is true. It is clear as day that our gracious Lord is doing great things for you. This is the way; may He grant us the grace to walk in it. Many blessings!

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Yours sincerely,


"Illum oportet crescere me autem minui."

Josh, from a lesser Josh, thanks for sharing this, Sir.

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Josh Hicks, Chloë's Daddy
Member of TRBC, Attending CCRPC. My Blog
The Puritan Pub (Team Blog)
Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

Your testimony reminds me of Rom 14:22

This is one of those posts where you are reminded of what makes PB special!

JD, would you mind if I made copies of some of your testimony and shared with some of my church?

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http://www.villagecommunitychurch.org/