I am under the impression that I am at least somewhat emotionally unstable. I had a good day today. I went to work and was diligent even though I was tired. Then I came home from work and instead of doing something selfish I did some work outside for my mom. She didn't ask me, I volunteered. I was encouraged by my willingness to put her before myself. I know it is the Lord's work.

I also worked on a poem all day. It was the first poem I've ever written. A few of you may have read it, as I posted it on here, but have since taken it down. It wasn't anything spectacular. I'm not a writer. I still worked pretty hard on it. I was encouraged in that, as well, because I normally give up on things long before I finish them.

I had told a friend of mine earlier in the day that I was working on it and I wanted him to read it when I was finished. He came over and read it and then didn't say anything. I said "You hate it?" and he said something like "Yeah. I mean, I read through it twice and I can't find a single redeeming line in it." and then went on to say something else that I guess was supposed to show me that he was joking. His sarcasm failed. Especially since afterward he didn't even reassure me that he was joking. He didn't say anything nice about my poem or give me any constructive criticism or anything. He really just took my legs out from under me. I feel quite depressed now. It bothers me because he knows how insecure I am. I've expressed my insecurities to him more than anyone else.

Anyway, I don't know if there's a point to this thread. My friend is still here, asleep. And I'm too locked up within myself to wake him up and ask him to leave so I can go to sleep.

I want to be rid of my morbid insecurity.

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My name is Davis. I am the Lord's.

I gather with saints at Bethel Presbyterian Church here in Lake Charles, LA, where I live.

[b][SIZE="3"]"[/SIZE][/b][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]I dwell in the high and holy place, also with him that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones[/COLOR].[b][SIZE="3"]"[/SIZE][/b] -Our Father, the Lord God (Isaiah 57:15)

I'm beginning to think you need some new friends. I would say you need to work on the poem a little more. I write the stuff too and I'm always tweaking them. I love to revise. The first verse had a good rhyme structure, perhaps you need to tighten the others up a bit. If poetry interests you, you should maybe look for a writing class in your area, where you can share your work with others and critique their work as well.

Get this guy out of your bed so you can go to work in the morning rested. You gotta have some boundaries or no one will respect you. This is bringing out my inner Dr. Laura - make this guy go home.

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The man who is disposed to think of his sin as a great calamity, rather than as a heinous crime, is not likely either to reverence God or to respect His law. - John Kennedy, 1873
Meg
Blog
Member, Intown Presbyterian Church,PCA, Portland, OR

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

Hey Ryan. I am pretty thick skinned in most areas of my life, yet it happens to me too. It is not at all unusual.

I've written many poems, had some published, and I've written music. I've never been more torn up with anxiety than when I've had the works publicly read or performed. And if it doesn't seem well received, I would sometimes actually get physically sick.

This advice isn't for everyone, but I used to use it myself when I was in a depressive and insecure phase:

When you are pouring yourself into something like this, I think you need to learn how to protect yourself. First, you don't show drafts to people who have trashed you in the past. Second, after you have done a lot of work on it, set it aside at least for a day before you show it to anyone. You will almost always see things to change. Then set it aside for another day. Keep practicing at honing the craft.

Read good writing and try to understand why the writing is good. It's OK to imitate, but do it privately. Again, practice the craft. You will find your voice.

Read the Psalms every night, from the ASV (Old King James). You will learn to hear music in words.

Find a friend, or not a friend, perhaps a professional, to review your work. Be up front with him, tell him you are insecure but you don't want him to pamper you. When you find someone you can trust, listen to the suggestions critically, carefully, and objectively . Even the best writers often produce bad work. That doesn't make them bad writers. They learn how to rewrite and they learn how to take criticism.

At some point you will get a sense of what is good in your writing. When you reach that point you can show it to others. If they make fun of it then, chalk it up as dealing with the Philistines.

Finally, and this is a real discipline. Make it a habit, every time you feel trashed, insecure, demoralized, make it a knee-jerk habit to praise God for your salvation, for your life, for creation, for words he has given us. Try to make it automatic. You won't feel like praising God at first, but it is impossible to feel sorry for yourself when you become accomplished at praising God.

I deal with depression in this fashion even now. Probably I will have to for the rest of my life. But I remember that David had the same problem, and he wrote some pretty good stuff.

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R.Vic Bottomly
Providence Reformed Baptist Church, Tacoma, WA

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

Also, listen to Meg. She's right. Get the guy out of your house and build up some clear boundaries.

Try writing screenplays that go over your professors heads, then they give you a "B" on something you poured alot of thought and passion in.

__________________

Travis Speegle
Redeemer Presbyterian, PCA (Waco, Tx)
Pacific Cross Roads, PCA (Los Angeles, CA)


"When it comes to trustworthy theologians one can usually honor the rule of thumb that the deader the better."-Dr. John Hannah, DTS (of all places)

It's just that I wasn't trying to write a masterpiece. It was literally the first poem I've ever written. It was deeply personal, as well. I do think it needs revising, but I was just pleased that I got something finished. I'm a musician and I never finish songs. So I was hoping to start writing poetry to help my songwriting. And I just thought the message of the poem was kind of good. Maybe I didn't express it well enough. Maybe two lines isn't enough to refer to an entire year of life.


I don't even know if I'm encouraged enough to touch it again. I'll sleep on it.


Goodnight, brothers and sisters.