I am 16 years old. I have been a Christian less than a year and have a bunch of questions I need to ask but so little time to ask them. But this question has been on my mind more than any other lately so I thought I would ask it.

I am young and of course, sometime or another have looked at someone of the oppisite sex. This is an issue I found is often ignored by alot of Christians, but is is something I really need to know about. When a young Christian starts being attraced (physically, not lustfully because that breaks a commandment) to someone of the oppisite sex, how does one go about the dating process?

What should a young Christian do concerning dating? What is permissible? How does a someone date in a Christ-like manner?

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"I have sinned against the LORD......The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die."
-2 Samuel 12:13

Alex Bohn (Blog)
Member-Texarkana Reformed Baptist Church
Texarkana, Border of Arkansas and Texas
Bondservant In Training

First you need to contact the parents and fill out an application. Then the father does a background check.

What? You think I'm kidding?


I wouldn't be in a hurry to start looking for one-on-one time with someone. Try to get involved in group activities so you can get more comfortable with the person you're attracted to. If you think things could have long term potential, try to meet the parents early on. But at sixteen I think your a long way from long term. So try to do group stuff and not get to focused on one person. That might be difficult, the focus part, but you don't need to be dating anyone at your age (IMHO).

Also, religious compatibility is going to be more important than physical attraction. If you find yourself in conflict over matters of faith - it won't matter how attractive she is.

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R. Anthony Coletti
Midway Presbyterian Church (PCA)
Jonesborough, TN
[i]et venite et arguite me dicit Dominus[/i]

Ha Ha, I agree. In the mean time I will work on my resume' to give some lucky girl's father. And I am not looking for a wife just yet, I was just curious of what to do when the time comes. (lol) Well thanks for the input.

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"I have sinned against the LORD......The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die."
-2 Samuel 12:13

Alex Bohn (Blog)
Member-Texarkana Reformed Baptist Church
Texarkana, Border of Arkansas and Texas
Bondservant In Training

Alex-it's called save some stuff to ask the Elders.

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Josh Hicks, Chloë's Daddy
Member of TRBC, Attending CCRPC. My Blog
The Puritan Pub (Team Blog)
Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

yah your right, I need to meet with them and ask a few of the more important questions on my long list....... and also I am working on coming up with some on notecards for our youth q&a session whenever that comes up....

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"I have sinned against the LORD......The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die."
-2 Samuel 12:13

Alex Bohn (Blog)
Member-Texarkana Reformed Baptist Church
Texarkana, Border of Arkansas and Texas
Bondservant In Training

Woo hoo!

That'll probably be after Henry finishes his current history series.

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Josh Hicks, Chloë's Daddy
Member of TRBC, Attending CCRPC. My Blog
The Puritan Pub (Team Blog)
Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

You know I think it's tremendous that a 16 year old young man would want to be a part of something like the PuritanBoard. The fact that he's looking to discuss the Bible and have it reflect the way he lives does my heart good!!

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Ryan Barnhart - Pastor of OGBC
Husband to a beautiful wife, Father to two beautiful girls
"But by the grace of God I am what I am." I Corinthians 15:10

"I confess to you, that if I can but live and die serving the Lord Jesus, it will make no difference to me whether I am eaten by Cannibals or by worms. And in the Great Day my Resurrection body will rise as fair as yours in the likeness of our risen Redeemer." - John Paton

Why thank you, I appreciate the kindness and sincerity of the people I have met on PB. Most everyone tries to answer questions in a bilblical manner, and in a friendly way. PB is a great resource for learning about certain theological issues and questions. I love to read others opinions on the topics presented. And as josh reminded me earlier, I also have the elders of my church to whom I can ask questions. Puritan board is a good addition to my already plentiful resources God has given me to grow in the knowledge of Himself. Praise be to God for all the wonderful influences he has surrounded me with!

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"I have sinned against the LORD......The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die."
-2 Samuel 12:13

Alex Bohn (Blog)
Member-Texarkana Reformed Baptist Church
Texarkana, Border of Arkansas and Texas
Bondservant In Training

I would highly recommend Joshua Harris' book . His first book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, was good as well, but the second book has more to it. In fact, in Boy Meets Girl, Harris even summarizes the first book in one sentence: "The main point of I Kissed Dating Goodbye was: If you're not ready for marriage, wait on romance." The principle is more than sufficiently elaborated on and applies throughout BMG, yet in the light of a big-picture view of relationships and their nature and purpose.

Don't be fooled by the book's subtitle, "Say Hello to Courtship." It is anything but a typical, "Thou shalt court rather than date; which means you have to do this, and this, and this, and this and this before and during any kind of relationship, and necessarily refrain from doing this, this, this and that at all times." In fact, the second chapter is titled, "Why Dating vs. Courtship Isn't the Point: Getting Past a Debate Over Terms and Back to What Really Matters." As he explains there, the terms are largely meaningless anymore, and even the word "courtship" has no consistent definition other than the set of rules that each respective courtship-advocate believes in. Harris explains that he simply happens to like the term courtship, since "it's old-fashioned, and it evokes romance and chivalry."

But in terms of a discussion, illustration and biblically-wise presentation of getting "back to what really matters," regarding both before and during the time of relationships in one's life, I couldn't recommend Boy Meets Girl too highly.

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Chris


A passion to know and reflect Christ by living and demonstrating the truth and richness of the historic Reformed faith

Visit My Website Here

Christopher Blum
Member of Riveroaks Reformed Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Germantown, TN
Currently attending Trinity Presbyterian Church of Northern Kentucky (PCA) in Burlington, KY

Click to get: Board Rules -- Signature Requirements -- Suggestions?

Hey Alex,

I'm also a young christian, and have recently reshaped my view of dating and courtship to comply with biblical guidelines. This site really helped to guide me in understanding the biblical guidelines for dealing with relationships with the opposite sex. I hope it helps.

I recommend you start here with a biblical introduction to dating: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001401.cfm

Here is the regular site:www.boundless.org

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Nikki Edmond
Berean Christian Assembly (Reformed Baptist)
Tucson, AZ
HaveATulip Chat Room for Reformed Believers
Principle and Practice Blog
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Thanks, it looks interesting I will be sure to check it out. I was looking for a site like this.

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"I have sinned against the LORD......The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die."
-2 Samuel 12:13

Alex Bohn (Blog)
Member-Texarkana Reformed Baptist Church
Texarkana, Border of Arkansas and Texas
Bondservant In Training

See what you think of this. As a father of 3 girls, I liked it.

http://www.soundclick.com/pro/view/0...songID=4893969

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Kevin
Far East
Deacon, Int'l Church

Spoken like a man who watches for souls. Alex, be sure to make Joshua's job a joy! (Heb 13:17)

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http://www.villagecommunitychurch.org/

As a younger married man, I feel qualified to give you a little advice.

1) Dating is really tough. Even with a Christian girl, the pressure that the world will put on you as a couple is pretty terrible, and highly unnecessarry. Since getting married I've realised just what a minefield dating is, and wouldn't reccommend it. I hated Josh Harris until I got married, and then worked out just how wise his advice is.

2) If you decide to date, make sure you surround yourself with a good group of Christian friends who will keep you both accountable. A constant pressure like that on purity is invaluable.

3) Don't date. Just get married. [/idealist]

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Vaughan
BTh Student, Sydney Missionary Bible College
Ashfield Presbyterian Church
Sydney, Australia
The Ransomed

AMEN!!!

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Name: Samantha Elossais
Faithful Contender for Truth
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

For Zion's sake, I will not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem's sake, I will not rest until the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth. Isaiah 62:1

Stop dating. By your own admission, you're not ready.




<--wishes someone would have told him that a decade ago....

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Chris Latch
Corinth MS
Crossroads church - SBC
Evangelism leader

when you can afford to take care of yourself financially then think on the opposite sex and marriage, if you cannot get it out of your head.

As of now you need to be maturing and training yourself to be a godly man in every facet of your life.

1. Grow in the knowledge and wisdom of God. Yes, Jesus did this and so are we.

2. Your career and means of earning an income must be in development so that you can become a productive member of society and able to contribute financially to the things of God i.e tithes, alms, savings, investments.

3. Then you get a mentor.


As a 16 year old you have the perfect opportunity to model your life after Joseph and David. Don't let it go to waste. Many of us here including myself became Christians in our 20's after we have made a bunch of mistakes. You have an opportunity not to go that way. Don't blow it.

Get into the things of God and let it manifest itself in ever aspect of your life then God will provide you the help meet/ help mate.

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~Keon Garraway~ Brooklyn, NY Member of Franklin Square OPC

Love for God demonstrated by the love for our children in giving them a God centered education is the only hope for our country. by David Morrow
Pslam 71:20 [Thou], which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.

This one by Paul Washer is on of the best sermons/teaching you can listen to about dating. I am very blessed to have heard it before getting to involved with woman. Much of my before-conversion worldview about girls has drastically changed, this being a huge help.

Another link to it: http://www.grantedministries.org/aud...ating_talk.mp3

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Asa Julian Myspace Blog
Grace Bible Church

Sometimes, when I see some of the worst characters in the street, I feel as if my heart must burst forth in tears of gratitude that God has never let me act as they have done! I have thought, "If God had left me alone, and had not touched me by His grace, what a great sinner I would have been!" - Charles Spurgeon

Thanks for the links guys i will check them out.

__________________
"I have sinned against the LORD......The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die."
-2 Samuel 12:13

Alex Bohn (Blog)
Member-Texarkana Reformed Baptist Church
Texarkana, Border of Arkansas and Texas
Bondservant In Training

Alex, let us know what you think after you've listened. It sounds great to me because I have daughters. But how does it play to someone getting into this 'scene' - I have no idea...

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Kevin
Far East
Deacon, Int'l Church

I'm enjoying that sermon.

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Susan Anita - Clan Scott!
Member of Grace Bible Church - Bakersfield, CA www.gbcob.org

I just finished listening to the series of lectures by Paul Washer. There was going to be a lot I objected to in the first two, but his clarifications in the third removed most of them.

Now the good is that he has a high view of what it means to honor thy father and mother, and he is quite serious about fleeing youthful lust. Still, he comes across as identifying that which is generally prudent with what God requires. This is most clear when he compares praying about not stumbling while being alone with a girl with praying about stealing a car. The latter is clearly proscribed by the Law, the former is not.

While his clarification that there are hard cases is good, I still think he goes beyond what scripture requires in the area of courtship. It would be interesting to do a survey of all the courtships mentioned in scripture and compare them to his idea of biblical courtship. I'm not sure many of them fit this model of the man going to the father first before approaching the woman. For example, The courtship of Boaz and Ruth breaks just about every rule he made (the woman takes initiative, the man doesn't consult the woman's guardian at all, they are alone together before they are married), but perhaps it is not normative.

I also wonder whether the motivation to avoid emotional hurt is biblical. While no one likes to be hurt, I don't think it is wrong to be in a situation that might lead to hurt. In any case, I don't see how his model of courtship avoids emotional hurt. If one is that concerned about avoiding emotional hurt, one is better off avoiding courtship altogether.

This isn't a huge deal, but I wonder where he got this idea that the concept of adolescence comes from an evolutionary worldview. Anthropology has a huge percentage of atheists, yet I don't see anthropologists embracing this idea at all (and it's a question that is of interest to them). They actually recognize that the behavior is different with different societies. From what I understand, the accepted view is that the phenomenon of an intermediate state of rebellion and emerging independence during adolescence is correlated with whether a society is neolocal or not (neolocality is the expectation that children will not live with or near either their parents or their in-laws). The explanation is that relationships between children and parents are more harmonious in societies where the child is expected to live with or near his parents for the rest of their lives. Only 5% of societies are neolocal, so this is why we don't see such adolescent rebellion in most of the world.

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Scott Roper
Member, Redeemer Presbyterian Church (PCA): "A bunch of hippie Calvinists"
Winston-Salem, NC