Thread: Condoning/Encouraging a Non-Believer's Sin?

I find myself in this situation all too often. Any advice on what to do when a non-Christian is all excited about something is clearly sin, and they're sharing it with you, and they don't know that you are a Christian and disapprove of it? Say a coworker is excited because they are going to Massachusetts next week to marry their partner of the same gender. Or they are excited because they just had premarital sex with someone they've had a crush on for a long time. Or they feel relieved because they got pregnant, didn't want the child, and had an abortion?

How do you react in situations like these? I want to be more prepared the next time this happens.

Almost everyone knows I'm a Christian as I tend to put that out there early on. Most of my heathen friends automatically don't share such things with me because of this.

I've encountered however mates in the army last time who would come back from brothels and talk about it. I'd always just say, "dude, you shouldn't do that, it's wrong." Most of the time I get a "Yeaaa I know, but..." reply. Always an opportunity to prick their conscience and talk about the gospel.

If it's outright sin, you wouldn't be helping yourself by being quiet about it. If it's a passing friend whom you'll probably never speak to again, you can probably do that. But if they are somewhat regular peeps in your life, make a stand early.

Oh, and try not to go all fire brimstone on them from the onset. People nowadays are rather thin-skinned if I dare say.

Same-sex marriage and abortions are NOT the NORM of what your friends and co-workers are sharing with you I would bet. You have introduced the most extreme cases and these do not do well to determine a general pattern of behavior.



Mostly, as you are working, your friends or co-workers will complain to you about how much their spouse makes them mad, they will talk about maybe going out to drink on the weekends, on trying to get more money as a main objective in life, about dating people, on what movies they have watched, going to the riverboat casino, and about how they don't like so-and-so, etc, i.e. sins not on the level of mass murder, abortion or homosexuality.

When these "lesser" situations come up, there is no need to preach hellfire everytime an ungodly action is mentioned.

I knew one Christian aquaintance I had who, everytime someone said even "****" this Christian would lecture those around her. Obviously this led to alienation of people - but this Christian had her standards and she wasn't about to lower them, even if she was unpleasant and lonely.


So, I would not expect that weekly you get people telling you about their latest same-same marriage or abortion. By all means, you can express shock at these sins, but this is not normal.

Normally, you will deal with the "normal" sins of our culture and you can simply ask, "Why do you share this with me?" or "Is there anything I can do to help you?" If they want your opinion (or maybe are trying to bait you) you can speak about how much joy their is in Christ as opposed to these actions which almost always lead to unhappiness in this life, but one need not rail against every sin in the same manner or with the same intensity.

-----Added 8/27/2009 at 01:41:39 EST-----

Ewen's advice is good.

Well, the reason why I ask is because I do have a recurring non-Christian in my life who has told me about one of these "bigger" sins and I don't have a clue what to do.

I knew one Christian aquaintance I had who, everytime someone said even "****" this Christian would lecture those around her. Obviously this led to alienation of people - but this Christian had her standards and she wasn't about to lower them, even if she was unpleasant and lonely.

I instantly thought of one of my lecturers. Ok pretend you didn't read this.

Originally Posted by Megan Mozart

Well, the reason why I ask is because I do have a recurring non-Christian in my life who has told me about one of these "bigger" sins and I don't have a clue what to do.

I think you can address this if you do so lovingly. You would be blessing the person by doing so.

Originally Posted by Megan Mozart

I find myself in this situation all too often. Any advice on what to do when a non-Christian is all excited about something is clearly sin, and they're sharing it with you, and they don't know that you are a Christian and disapprove of it? Say a coworker is excited because they are going to Massachusetts next week to marry their partner of the same gender. Or they are excited because they just had premarital sex with someone they've had a crush on for a long time. Or they feel relieved because they got pregnant, didn't want the child, and had an abortion?

How do you react in situations like these? I want to be more prepared the next time this happens.

That's a really good question. I think the thing is the groundwork, the preparation. This person telling you the story should already know your likely response. Not your view on every sin, but the fact that you are serious and that you can be counter-cultural. I would introduce this by being counter cultural in small, inoffensive ways first so that she isn't scared away and so that you can then be more easily counter cultural in bigger ways once you are established in her counter-cultural-and-not-mad category.

Originally Posted by Megan Mozart

Well, the reason why I ask is because I do have a recurring non-Christian in my life who has told me about one of these "bigger" sins and I don't have a clue what to do.

Others have given good advice; say, "You do know that I'm a Christian right?" or "Are you telling me this because you want my advice?" Pray in advance that the hearing of these things will not be a temptation to you in any way, but will only serve to strengthen you against the sin in yourself and the world.

In your dealings with the unregenerate, you should draw attention to sin as a whole rather than in particular. It is sinfulness that genuinely drives us to Christ, rather than this particular troubling sin.

On the subject of abortion:

When a friend tells you about an abortion they have had (or are planning to have), I think the best response is, "Well, how do you feel about that?" Usually, people have TONS of emotions about their decision right underneath the surface, and if you can get them to admit to them, then you can start a fruitful dialogue. Case in point: I had a friend who took her sister to have an abortion. She told me about it and instead of telling her that she had been complicit in a murder (and she had been), I asked her how she felt about the experience, and she told me how guilty and conflicted she felt, because she wanted to help her sister and everyone told her that she did the right thing, but she had all of these feelings of guilt. That opened up a really good conversation about repentance and forgiveness that eventually led to the gospel.

I hope that is helpful. I feel like talking about abortion with people is kind of a weird and strange situation and its hard to know the best way to react. Obviously, it needs to be condemned, but there are ways to do that that can bring people towards the gospel.

Originally Posted by Montanablue

On the subject of abortion:

When a friend tells you about an abortion they have had (or are planning to have), I think the best response is, "Well, how do you feel about that?"

I'm sure your advice is good. I wonder though that a picture is worth a thousand words, and a face stricken with shock, and a heart with despair, at the murder of an infant might lead someone to recognition of their sin more widely than their abortion. "How do you feel" can also imply a post-modern "If you think it was OK, then it was". I meant it when I said I'm sure your advice is good; my counter-advice I'm sure is borne of social manners ill fitting into their context ...

Originally Posted by dr_parsley

Originally Posted by Montanablue

On the subject of abortion:

When a friend tells you about an abortion they have had (or are planning to have), I think the best response is, "Well, how do you feel about that?"

I'm sure your advice is good. I wonder though that a picture is worth a thousand words, and a face stricken with shock, and a heart with despair, at the murder of an infant might lead someone to recognition of their sin more widely than their abortion. "How do you feel" can also imply a post-modern "If you think it was OK, then it was". I meant it when I said I'm sure your advice is good; my counter-advice I'm sure is borne of social manners ill fitting into their context ...

No, this is a good point. I'm certainly not suggesting that one try to hide shock and horror. In fact, I think sometimes a Christian's horror can help to validate the natural emotions that someone feels when they realize what they've done. The problem (I've found) is that people often feel guilt, but others tell them, "No, don't feel guilty. You've done nothing wrong - its just Victorian sensibilities coming up."

I think the tone and manner that you ask "Well, how do you feel?" is key. If you ask it in a way that conveys that you are concerned about them and that you don't expect them to be fine with it, I think that opens them up to being honest. On the other hand, some people will persist in saying, "Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine with it." I'm not sure there's much that can be done to someone who is so blinded (perhaps willingly) to what's happened. And if a person does try to justify their actions, you can respond in scriptural manner. I guess what I'm trying to say is that a lot of people feel horrendous guilt (as they should) after an abortion. If you let them express that guilt themselves, it can lead to a productive conversation. If you just jump in with your own thoughts before listening though, they're more likely to get defensive.

Megan,

A few things to consider when the sin of this world is brought before you.

1) Knowing what Scripture teaches us about the fall of man, the sin that dwells in us, we ought not be greatly surprised. Disappointed, but God tells us about the depth of our sin, particularly the unbeliever whose nature is dominated by it.

2) It ought amaze us how God chose to have mercy on us, being "worse than we know."

3) It's never a source of pride that we are not doing that kind of sin, only a source of fear of God's holiness, and praise for His grace in our lives

4) Nothing is an accident. God brings these people and situations for a reason- the question for us believers is, "How can I best Glorify God in this?"

5) If you have a relationship with the person, use it to engage them with biblical truth, without regard to what you think God will do with that. Do not be afraid to say or do what is right, even if you have to stand alone. While it doesn't mean you will have it easy, God will honor it.

6) Ask God for grace to have the sin, tell the truth, but somehow have compassion on the sinner. Crying out to God for help in this will help you grow as a believer and strengthen your faith.

7) Thank God every day for His redemption from the awfulness that you see in others... and that you are becoming more aware of in yourself.

-----Added 8/31/2009 at 07:14:31 EST-----

Remember, real friendships are based on telling the truth seasonably and somehow having respect for the person, even if an unbeliever because they were created in the image of God.

Believers, those who profess can be even more difficult when you see their hypocrisy- but ask God to respect the person as one whom God has redeemed and chosen to relate to you through the household of faith.

My response would probably range from silence(in the case of, say, swearing or some "lesser" evil) to a sincere "I'm sorry to hear that." (Followed by an explanation upon request.)