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General discussions discuss Funny Joke about Christian Unity in the General Forums forums; Here is a funny bit that was originally done by Emo Phillips. Two men are standing on a bridge, one is about to jump off ...

  1. #1
    Bill The Baptist's Avatar
    Bill The Baptist is offline. Puritanboard Junior
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    Funny Joke about Christian Unity

    Here is a funny bit that was originally done by Emo Phillips.

    Two men are standing on a bridge, one is about to jump off and the other is trying to talk him out of it.

    The man asks the jumper, "So are you a Christian or a Hindu or a Jew or what?"

    The jumper replies, "A Christian."

    The man says, "Small world, me too! Protestant, or Catholic, or Orthodox?"

    The jumper answers, "Protestant."

    The man replies, "Me too! What denomination?"

    The jumper says, "Baptist"

    The man replies, "Me too! Southern Baptist or Northern Baptist?"

    The jumper answers, "Northern Baptist."

    The man replies, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

    The jumper answers, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

    The man replies, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern region?"

    The jumper answers," Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."

    The man replies, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region council of 1912?"

    The jumper answers, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region council of 1912."

    The man then pushes the jumper off the bridge and screams, "Die Heretic!"
    Bill
    Pitching my tent and building my altar
    (SBC)
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  2. #2
    kvanlaan's Avatar
    kvanlaan is offline. Puritanboard Doctor
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    Heard it - loved it then too. A sadly accurate portrayal of many denominations in the church today.
    Kevin, husband of a truly angelic woman, and father to twelve.
    Zion United Reformed Church of Sheffield
    Ontario, Canada
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  3. #3
    JennyG is offline. Puritanboard Graduate
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    I've heard it too, though most of the detailed distinctives given were different!
    And I also still think it's funny (even though it's sad...)
    JennyG
    Member, Free Church of Scotland
    Scotland
    1 member(s) found this post helpful.

  4. #4
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    athanatos is offline. Puritanboard Freshman
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    ... I was actually hoping/wondering you were posting this, given the title
    Jonathan
    Reformed Baptist
    Philadelphia, PA
    Without subscription finalized. Help me justify my beliefs humbly and Scripturally, that I might subscribe.

    "For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD as the waters cover the sea." - Habakkuk 2:14

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    CIT
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    Michael Cope
    Westminster Presbyterian Church - PCA (Covenanter by conviction)
    Fort Myers, FL

    "Some people have greatness thrust upon them. Very few have excellence thrust upon them...They achieve it. They do not achieve it unwittingly by 'doing what comes naturally' and they don't stumble into it in the course of amusing themselves. All excellence involves discipline and tenacity of purpose." John Gardner

  7. #7
    Skyler's Avatar
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    Them Baptists are crazy. I tell you what.
    Jonathan
    Reformed Baptist
    Ohio

    My blog: Middle of the Narrow Way

  8. #8
    Philip's Avatar
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    The Presbyterian equivalent is as follows:

    Q: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: One to screw it in. Another to challenge the action of the first based on the doctrine of predestination. A third to hear both sides and advise them to take it to the session. The session splits over it and brings it up at Presbytery. The Presbytery splits over it and decides to take it to GA. GA appoints a committee and two subcommittees to do a study. Over the course of the next two years, they come up with several position papers (with minority reports) and finally draft a resolution. The resolution is brought before GA and it passes. And then the disgruntled minority breaks off and forms the "Old Light" Presbyterian Church.
    Philip
    Student at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary
    Attending Christ the Redeemer Church (Anglican)
    Member at Potomac Hills Presbyterian Church (PCA) Leesburg, VA
    5 member(s) found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    C. M. Sheffield's Avatar
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    AThornquist's Avatar
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    This could be an episode of Baptisms Gone Wild. Full immersion with a twist.

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    Michael is offline. Puritanboard Senior
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    That was hilarious Philip...thanks for the laugh!

  12. #12
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  13. #13
    JennyG is offline. Puritanboard Graduate
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    Quote Originally Posted by P. F. Pugh View Post
    Q: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: One to screw it in. Another to challenge the action of the first based on the doctrine of predestination. A third to hear both sides and advise them to take it to the session. The session splits over it and brings it up at Presbytery. The Presbytery splits over it and decides to take it to GA. GA appoints a committee and two subcommittees to do a study. Over the course of the next two years, they come up with several position papers (with minority reports) and finally draft a resolution. The resolution is brought before GA and it passes. And then the disgruntled minority breaks off and forms the "Old Light" Presbyterian Church.
    nice! but don't you mean the "Old Light-Bulb" Presbyterian church??
    JennyG
    Member, Free Church of Scotland
    Scotland

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