|
If there's one thing I've learned about those that pursue "Victorious Living", it's that everybody thinks the other guys are achieving it while they wallow in the guilt of the sin that consumes them throughout the week.
The recent story about Ray Boltz coming out of the closet is just that type of story. I can almost existentially place myself in Boltz' shoes, not that I struggle with Boltz' sin, but that I struggle with my own sins and used to be in Churches where I lamented that I could never quite master sins that regularly consumed me.
I bought into the American Evangelical mindset that I just hadn't committed myself enough. Perhaps Scripture memorization - I heard a man talk about how keeping verses in your heart would keep you from sinning. Perhaps a Christian Life Marriage Conference - I was amazed at all the "testimonies" of couples whose marriages became much more fulfilling after a weekend of their instruction. Perhaps I just hadn't really let go in worship - I would clench my eyes trying to sing the same verse over and over to the praise chorus wishing that the Holy Spirit would just overthrow my sin and, this week, I wouldn't fall into sin so quickly.
I distinctly remember leaving Church every week and as I walked out I would go into a bit of depression. I didn't know why I was so miserable.
What was I missing?
The Gospel.
You see, I had bought into the illusion that the Law was the manner of approach to God. God would bless me and give me a victorious life - I was missing out on another level of spirituality but I would need to invest myself fully in the proper techniques and obedience to get to that plateau of living that I was convinced many people were enjoying.
The truth is that nobody is at that deceptive plateau. Somehow folks convince themselves that others are there but when you look into the hearts and lives of the leaders of these movements you find wickedness. The stories of my friends who grew up in Pentecostal circles and the lives of families within will curl your toes. The deceit of convincing yourself that your wicked heart can or is achieving the righteous demands of the Law only produces wickedness.
But God.
But God was rich in mercy toward me. I don't know why but He was rich in mercy toward me. I know many others that were trying harder but He caused the Gospel to dawn on my heart. I was in the mud and somehow came to my senses and, by God's grace, His Word testified to me that I received the entire inheritance when I trust in Christ's righteousness and not my own. There is no "higher life". There is no lower Christian and higher Christian. There is only Christ and His righteousness given to those that cling to Him because they're completely at the end of their rope and realize they have no chance apart from His righteousness.
Christ is for beggars and not for the victorious. I'm lost if God requires victory of me because the best I can muster is to cling to His feet in simple faith. I'm utterly worthless by myself having failed far too many times.
|