Reformers, Puritans, and a Geek » About Me (if you must)
To this day, I am a wretched man plagued with unrighteousness and inconsistency. I find myself battling with myself. I find my heart devising ways to indulge in wickedness. I find my mind too easily distracted from the things of God. But you know what? I’m so thankful to be in a position which leaves me able to
recognize these things. You see, it’s understood that the closer we, as finite, sinful men, grow to our Lord, the more we grow sensitive to the ungodly things about ourselves.
My interaction with God has been for as long as I can remember. You see, even if men have no exposure to the Gospel, Romans 1:20 says this (my emphasis added):
For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly percieved, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.
But God, in His providence, made sure that I was exposed to the Gospel for all of my life. I remember going to “Sunday School” from the earliest age. Reading about Moses in his basket, floating down the river. Joseph gettin’ thrown into a pit, and then later sold as a slave. And, of course, Ole’ Joshua breakin’ down the walls of Jericho. All of these things were placed in my heart, though they meant nothing other than good stories at the time of their absorption into my mind.
I remember watching “Where the Red Fern Grows” when I was 8 or 9 and not really understanding it too well. I
think that somewhere in the movie, the little boy is praying to God and asks God to help in some form or fashion…in a miraculous way, etc. At least, this is how I remember it. Anyway, after the movie was over I remember going outside to play in the woods. It must have been wintertime, because I recall having gloves on and probably a warm hat. To give an example of my “interaction” with God, I remember being amongst the trees and asking God to make a tree shake. What a silly boy. I distinctly remember saying at one point, “God, if you’re real then please, Lord, PLEASE make this tree shake.” I kid you not.
But you see, the crazy thing is this: I knew God was real, and yet I didn’t
know God. Sure, I’d been to Sunday School all of my life, I even could sing those hymns nicely, all by heart. But I was not converted
per se. So, for me to try to get a sign from God was really futile, when I already knew He was real. Funny thing is, just months later (Thursday, June 16th, 1988) I was brought to the end of myself by the light of God’s glorious Gospel and I broke under His conviction and was freed from the dominion of sin. Do you want to hear the Irony now? I’m a Calvinist now, but I was converted at this little Freewill (literally, the name of the denomination) Baptist church. Yep, God saves Whom He wants, when He wants to do so.
After converting at the age of 9 I recall a sincere, though misguided, desire to evangelize all of my friends. I even baptized (invalidly so) a friend in a creek out in the woods behind his house. Like I said, “misguided”. Upon conversion, I still had no idea of anything concerning the great need for discipleship and Bible study, etc. In fact, when I submitted to the Lord, the church gave me a treatise that dealt with Free Will Baptist doctrine. Yep. Like a 9 yr old was gonna read that right up. So here I was, a young Christian, and still full of great immaturity both spiritually and practically speaking. I was the good kid at school up until about 7th or 8th grade. After that, though, I began partaking in different forms of ungodliness, whether it be “cussing”, smoking, etc., I was certainly not exhibiting the changing and saving grace of God in my life. I did as I pleased, until…
…one morning of the summer between 9th and 10th grades. I was sitting in Sunday School, as I had done for years, bored out of my mind, wondering what I’d be having for lunch. I was flipping through my Bible, paying no attention to the subject matter of the teacher, when BAM! Mark 8:38 completely shrunk me to the lowest point possible. Why, as a Christian, was I ashamed to speak of Christ (and this, I mean, by my actions)…would He not, in turn, be ashamed of me? It was an earthshaking thought. The Lord was pleased to break me that day. I began to heavily consume the Scriptures, reading for hours upon hours at a time (How convicting, considering it’s been a while I’ve spent that much time in the Word of God during a single sitting).
Years passed. I was known as the “religious” guy on campus. It’s funny, though. I was a 4 point Arminian but never quite understood the passive god other folks seemed to talk about. I don’t know how I missed the whole
sovereignty concept, but I loved the book of Isaiah. Throughout the whole book God brags on Himself. “I am God, there is no other. I am God, there is none like me. I declare the end from the beginning. I form light. I create darkness. I bring calamity. I, the Lord, do all these things.” So even though I was foolish to believe that God didn’t choose some over others before the foundation of the world, I didn’t believe in a pansy god who was in need of something from humans.
I once talked with my friend, Ace, and told him, “You know, it’s pretty simple to be able to expose the errors of Mormons, Jehovah’s Witness, Charismatics, etc., but the one group I have the most difficult time refuting are those Calvinists.” Ha ha ha! For good reason, ya idiot….they’re Biblical! At some point in High School I had happened along John MacArthur’s book called
The Charismatics. Sadly enough, this was the closest thing to scholarly I’d ever read of a theological nature. I loved it. I loved the way this man wrote. Anyway, time moved along and set me on my journey to the Reformed Faith.
After getting a taste of MacArthur in his book about Charismaticism, I purchased his study Bible. As I read through his study notes I grew increasingly frustrated that he would not explain away certain passages of Scripture that seemed to be contrary to what I had been taught growing up. Passages such as John 6, 8, 10, 17; Ephesians 1, 2, and so on. Instead, MacArthur would simply regurgitate what the text already (so clearly) said. So I continued to read. I realized, “This man is one of those Calvinists!” I was thoroughly disappointed! I had finally found an author that skipped all the non-theological/biblical fluff only to find that he was a heretic. I was surprised, however, to see an evangelistic tract (to speak so) which encouraged men to repent of sin toward God.
I kept reading through the Scriptures and it was finally the sixth chapter of John’s Gospel that was the death knell to my Arminianism. I remember (laughably) lying on the floor in my living room, crying, thinking I had fallen to false teaching. However, within just a short time I realized that the Doctrines of Grace (affectionately called) were part and parcel to the Gospel. Since that time, I’ve dropped Dispensationalism (with little help from Johnny Mac who still clings tenaciously thereunto). There are other theological positions to which I’ve Reformed, but perhaps those will be discussed in the future.
I am thankful for the Gospel of Grace. But I am most thankful for the Triune God Who has made provision for such a Gospel. And this He did before the foundation of the world. God the Father elected a people for Himself. God the Son, Jesus, made secure the redemption of His elect. And God the Holy Spirit woos the elect through the Gospel of Grace. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
I want to leave with you a quote from C.H. Spurgeon:
I am never ashamed to avow myself a Calvinist; I do not hesitate to take the name of Baptist; but if I am asked what is my creed, I reply, ‘It is Jesus Christ.’
If anyone should ask me what I mean by a Calvinist, I should reply, ‘He is one who says, Salvation is of the Lord.’ I cannot find in Scripture any other doctrine than this. It is the essence of the Bible. ‘He only is my rock and my salvation.’ Tell me anything contrary to this truth, and it will be a heresy; tell me a heresy, and I shall find its essence here, that it has departed from this great, this fundamental, this rock-truth, ‘God is my rock and my salvation.’ What is the heresy of Rome, but the addition of something to the perfect merits of Jesus Christ—the bringing in of the works of the flesh, to assist in our justification? And what is the heresy of Arminianism but the addition of something to the work of the Redeemer?…I have my own private opinion that there is no such thing as preaching Christ and Him crucified, unless we preach what nowadays is called Calvinism. It is a nickname to call it Calvinism; Calvinism is the gospel, and nothing else.
I hope that my meager words have been a testimony to God’s grace toward sinners.