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Originally Posted by sastark  I am the son of a pastor's wife, so all my observations come from that point of view. But, here's my humble advice:
First, whatever congregation your husband is called to, make sure they understand they are calling him and not you. By the nature of his call, he is duty bound to perform certain tasks, be held responsible for needs to the congregation, etc. You are not. The congregation doesn't get a "two fer" sort of deal. |
This is very well put! Our church is a small, rural congregation and one of the challenges that I face all the time is that our people want me to fill musical roles that I would rather not fill. I know my job is to keep our four kids in line during worship, but when the regular piano player is sick it is just expected that I will fill in. (My personal opinion is that it would be better to do without accompaniment than take a mother away from her children.)
I do not see any grand opportunities in my role as a Pastor's wife that any other wife/mother does not have. My main concern is caring for Paul and the children. I like the observation that Joshua made that Pastors' wives need to be like any other Christian - serving their husband/family. I think too many women want to serve the church first, then their family. I have been tempted to this same thing myself. Years ago (when we had just one child) I led a women's Bible study. There I was, talking about putting others first and serving God while neglecting the biggest task He gave me! (I am not saying that wives/mothers cannot lead womens' Bible studies, just that it was too consuming a project for me.)
The best thing you can do for your preacher's wife is to lift her up in prayer - often! Preachers' wives are in this position (as was already pointed out) that we need to appear better than everyone else, but not too much better. I, for one, find that you cannot share your individual hurts/feelings/pains/challenges with your congregation, because everything spoken reflects on the Pastor. I have always sought to be genuine about the struggles I have in my life, so that someone else may be helped by my mistakes. But, just imagine how it would make my husband look if I shared with people in my church any recurring sins I struggle with (lack of patience and self-control, to name a few). But, neither do I want to present the picture that a preacher's wife is without sin and struggles...
To end on a happy note:
The most helpful, hands-on things that the ladies in my church have done for me were when I was sick/pregnant with baby number four. They made me meals, helped me with laundry, and even cleaned my house. One lady got on her knees with a toothbrush and cleaned around the bathroom stool. (Not a job a woman can do at 9 months pregnant). Not all women may feel comfortable with these types of things, but for me it was most appreciated!