04-03-2008, 09:56 PM
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 | Puritanboard Graduate | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Indian Trail, NC
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[ ] We have been in the "reformed camp" for nearly 25 years now. Discipline of young children is, IMHO, an especially weak area and hardly reflects what the Bible teaches or what, for example, the Larger Catechism articulates about the teaching of Scripture regarding the relationships of superiors, inferiors and equals. I think it is very interesting how we are so committed to certain things that we’re comfortable with and comfortable discussing at length among ourselves; you know, “the 5 points”, “the RPW”, “being confessional”, “being reformed”, “are you infra- or supra-“, “does the confession teach”. But I really wonder about other points that are just as confessional or catechetical, yet maybe not quite as manageable. The behavior of most of the children we have observed attending these churches is frequently insolent, cheeky, rowdy and just plain rude. For example, we were taught that running was for outside and not in a building. In school if you got caught running in the halls the teacher would send you back and then make you walk to wherever you were going. You didn’t run in the church building because there was always another adult nearby to remind you, “We don’t run in here, son.” You didn’t sass them because if you did, you’d get it at home because they would tell your parents. We have often seen better behavior on the part of families at the mall, in the stores or in other public places than we've seen in church. These kids come to church and the minute they get unbuckled and free of the family van it’s like they’ve been issued a command to run. They burst through the door of the venue. They run, play tag, roughhouse, and slap and punch each other while the adults talk. This goes on before services, between services, after services, at fellowship meals, and until they’re finally buckled into the van and heading back home. They constantly interrupt adult conversations and are even encouraged to do so by the responses that most adults give them. They demand attention. If we did that we usually got the reminder “We’re talking. You know better than to interrupt.” If we were ever a cause of public embarrassment, there were consequences. And these kids are like “who are you?” if someone other than their parents speak to them about their behavior. And many of the parents are quick to defend their kids “rights” and they’re like “Well I guess you have a problem, then.” If the parents are embarrassed, it’s not about what their kids did. It’s your fault for bringing attention to it. We have observed these phenomena in the majority of “reformed” congregations where we have visited, attended, or been members. Considering that many of these churches rent the facilities in which they worship, it makes me wonder sometimes what kind of testimony that we might be offering the non-believing attendant who is there to open up the building and sit at the front desk so that we can have our services. Or, for that matter, other casual observers who might be in the building during the time window. We can be so thankful that “we’re not like those antinomian fundies out there” because we believe that the commandments are still applicable to us. But is this how we apply, for example, the 5th commandment? I might also say the 4th but I won’t go there because, doctrinal standards notwithstanding, you can argue about that until doomsday and get nowhere. So how do we handle it? Well, if were there and we’re trying to get something done and the kids begin getting under foot, we will look them in the eye and just say quietly and firmly, “We’re trying to work here. Please go play somewhere else.” They’ll usually do that. Otherwise we have learned to just look the other way and let it go on. We just don’t want to see anyone get hurt or set ourselves up to choose between getting yelled at for stopping a potentially harmful situation or getting yelled at because someone gets injured or property gets damaged because we didn’t intervene. We have learned to excuse ourselves promptly following services and leave all the busyness behind. Oh, and yes I know. Our standards are much too high. We expect too much. This is 2008. Sorry.
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