1) (I don't know if I've ever actually called someone a legalist, but this is what I'd mean if I said it) I define legalism as seeing our works as meritorious in the sight of God.

Usually people seem to mean anything that someone thinks is a command that the name-caller doesn't think is a command. But I don't see that in Scripture. We do have different convictions. Paul tells us how to deal with those differences.

Legalism, however, is strictly condemned by the entire book of Galatians.

2) So how do I discern? Well, if the person says that we can add to our salvation by obedience, then I call it legalism. I would be careful calling labeling it legalism without him/her stating that the behavior adds merit somehow. I wouldn't just call it legalism if a person said that all Christians have to be/do some such thing. I might say they are binding the conscience in an area where i see liberty. But that's not legalism in itself.

3) How to discern in myself? WooHoo, you must know me! I generally totter from legalist to antinomian hourly! But I do constantly have to ask why I sometimes feel a twinge of conscience when I'm doing what I believe the Bible teaches. Often it is because inside somewhere I'm thinking I'm more righteous than someone else because of my obedience in this area or that. I'm doing the right thing, but I'm doing it like a pharisee, relying on it to earn merit with the Lord. It is a heart issue. And I have to ask the Lord to search my heart and show me if there is any wrong way in me.

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jenney
Reformed Baptist
CA