Pardon this post, but I couldn't resist it...
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(source: Biblical Studies Bulletin, Grove Books UK)
1. How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one since his hands are in the air anyway.
2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on or off. Or...
Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will be moved to change itself.
3. How many Baptists or Brethren does it take to change a light bulb?
CHANGE???????
4. How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.
5. How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
6. How many televangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
7. How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one; any more would mean compromise & God's holy standards of light would slip.
8. How many liberals does it take to change a light Bulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
9. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles.
10. How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
11. How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. Two to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
12. How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
13. How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-lived, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
14. How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how.
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(Part II
1. How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But he has to write a prayer letter about it afterwards.
2. How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?
3. How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
4. How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
We read that we are to so fear and love God that we cannot by our own effort or understanding comprehend the replacement of an electromagnetic photon source. It is, rather by faith, not by our efforts (effected toward the failed worldly incandescence), that we truly see, and that our own works cannot fully justify us in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Of course, the room is still dark.
Paul Ganney, computer guru at Hull Royal Infirmary, fine bass player and husband of Ridley Hall's own Rachel Ganney, adds the following:
5. How many Spirit-filled evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pray, and two to catch it when it falls.
6. How many youth leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to hide the ladder, and ten to form a human pyramid.
7. How many church administrators does it take to change a light bulb?
Let me get back to you on that one...
Finally, Maf Cavill writes:
8. How many free church elders does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Responsibility for fabric rests with the body of deacons.